12 Years
by JessieWills
Summary: Richard Castle is a writer following Detectives Esposito and Ryan when they are thrown back into a cold case when Kate Beckett wakes up. Rick soon learns that she was present when her mother was murdered and could help them solve the case. But will a relationship grow out of the destruction and how will Kate cope when she learns the truth?
1. Waking Up

"That looks serious," Richard Castle commented as he leant across to look into Montgomery's office, Ryan and Esposito doing the same in complete silence. "What do you think it's about?" the writer immediately questioned, watching as the older man continued to talk on the phone, any earlier smile about it being his daughter's birthday disappearing and instead being replaced with concern and anger.

"How are we supposed to know? We're not lip readers Castle," Esposito declared, the three men immediately falling silent when Montgomery put the phone down and turned to face them, the two detective's and writer immediately turning away to at least try and look like they weren't staring at their Captain. Hearing the door open, they quickly turned again to find Montgomery walking towards them before resting against an empty desk. One of their detective's had retired and they were still searching for a replacement so the desk was basically a seat for whenever Montgomery came out to discuss a case with them. "Sir," Esposito said as he nodded and sighed.

"What's the case sir?" Ryan asked.

"Johanna Beckett," he immediately stated as shock covered the detective's face while confusion covered the writers. Johanna Beckett? Who was Johanna Beckett and why did it affect the three of them so much?

"Who's Johanna Beckett?" Rick immediately asked, knowing that he needed to catch up.

"She was a lawyer, a pretty impressive one apparently," Esposito explained as Rick nodded slowly. "Twelve years ago she was murdered in an alleyway and it was put down to gang violence, no one caught the bastard," he explained as Rick remained silent, taking in all the information.

"I still don't see why this makes everyone pull those faces," Rick admitted as Ryan shook his head at the writer. The case hadn't come up while the writer had been shadowing him so he didn't know anything, he didn't know how disgusting this case was. How horrifying and destructive it had been to the whole Beckett family.

"There's a daughter as well, Katherine Beckett," Ryan stated as Rick nodded, still listening. "She was with her mom the night she was killed. She was home from college and had gone to work with her mom for the day and they were on their way to meet her father at a local restaurant but they never turned up," he explained.

"And what happened to her?" Rick questioned.

"She was put into a coma, she's been in a coma for twelve years," Esposito blurted out as everyone fell silent. "She was nineteen years old, watched her mother die and then they smacked her around the head with something and she's been in a coma for twelve years," he declared before standing up and walking towards the break room.

"Did he know them or something?" Rick questioned as Kevin shook his head.

"He spent a lot of time at the hospital with Kate and with the husband, Jim Beckett. He watched as his alcoholism got worse and he's been there when Jim's been arrested occasionally. He would take him home" Ryan explained as Rick nodded. "She was a clever girl, a bit rebellious at times but her parents adored her and she was at college studying law. She wanted to be just like her mother and twelve years of her life have been destroyed. She's going to wake up one day and she'll have lost both of her parents because her mother's dead and her father is just killing himself slowly," he explained as Rick sighed, taking in all the information. This case clearly meant a lot to everyone and now he wanted to help, wanted to get some justice for the dead woman and her daughter who had lost twelve years of her life.

"Why are we looking into it again?" Rick immediately questioned, glancing up at Montgomery who was staring down at his wedding ring before he glanced across, waiting until Esposito re-joined them with a coffee in his hands.

"Katherine Beckett woke up this morning and I want you to go and question her, see whether she remembers anything about that night or who attacked them," he explained before standing and walking back into his office, leaving the three men to pull on their jackets and disappear out of the precinct to the hospital.

XOXOOXXOXOX

"I don't want you to push her," the doctor explained as he stood with them, his arms crossed across her body. "She's only just woken up, she's confused and she doesn't remember the event. She doesn't know that her mother's dead and I don't want you to tell her until she's feeling better," he declared as the detective's remained silent. They weren't supposed to do that. They needed to get as much information from her in an attempt to solve the case, to get the justice for her mother.

"Can we at least talk to her?" Esposito asked as the doctor nodded, leading the three men towards the room before he opened the door slowly and smiled at the brunette who was lying in the bed in complete silence.

"Kate, these people want to talk to you about what happened," he explained before walking off, leaving them alone in the room.

"Hello Kate, I'm Detective Esposito and this is Detective Ryan," Esposito introduced as Kate stared at her, not knowing what else to say. "Can we ask you some questions about the accident?" he asked as she bit into her lip, staring at them in silence as Rick stepped forward. "And this is Richard Castle, he's shadowing us," Esposito explained as Kate stared at him in confusion.

"Where's my mom?" Kate asked quietly as Rick fell silent and moved to sit in the seat beside the bed while she continued to stare at him. "Where are my mom and my dad? Why aren't they here?" she questioned as they all stared at her, noticing the tears in her eyes as she bit into her lip.

"They'll be here soon," Ryan immediately stated, trying to stick to what the doctor had told them to do. "Miss Beckett can you tell us anything about what happened the night you were attacked?" he asked as she shook her head.

"I don't remember anything about that night," she said simply before she shut her eyes. "I remember waking up in the morning and going to work with my mom, she was stressing because she was working on this huge case and was running late and then I don't remember anything else," she explained before groaning. "I just want my mom and my dad please."

"We'll try and get your dad here soon Kate," Rick said quietly, watching her as she bit into her lip and stared at him again.

"If you remember anything Miss Beckett do call us," Esposito declared as he wrote down his number and placed it on the table beside her bed. "We'll leave you to rest," he stated before he and Ryan moved towards the door. "Castle," he stated as Rick moved to stand up, stopping when Kate took hold of his hand tightly.

"Can you stay please?" she whispered as he nodded and sat back down, glancing across at the two detectives who quickly nodded and moved out of the room. "Please stay until my parents get here," she almost begged as he smiled at her, not knowing what to her as she shut her eyes. "I really want my mom."

"I know," he whispered, hating the fact that soon this woman who probably still believed she was a vulnerable nineteen year old was going to learn that everyone was lying to her and her mother was dead.

**What do you think? Please review, I love hearing from you and I promise I will still be updating my other stories as well as this one. **

**I kind of based this on Stana's character in ER and have been thinking about this story for a long time and decided to just write it and see what you think about it. Hopefully, if you like it, they'll be another chapter up soon. This chapter just kind of sets up the story and gets us ready for the main drama and well, please please please review. **


	2. Milkshakes

"Do you want me to get you anything Kate?" Rick asked nervously as he stared at the younger woman who was lying in the bed in complete silence, her fingers playing with a bracelet that was around her wrist. It looked old, clearly something she'd had the day she was attacked, but he'd watched her put it on moments ago and it clearly meant something to her.

"I just want my parents," she admitted quickly, not knowing what else to say to the writer as she sat up and looked at him. "Can you call my dad and see where they are? Maybe your detectives couldn't get hold of him and he didn't hear that I was awake," she mumbled as Rick nodded before standing quickly and walking out of the room towards one of the nurses.

"Do you have a contact number of Kate Beckett's father?" he asked as the nurse nodded and went to find it before returning with the number. Dialling Jim Beckett's number quickly, Rick moved away from the busy nurses' station as the phone continued to ring, desperate for the other man to answer. Kate needed someone, she needed a parent and he was the only one she had. Hearing the ringing stop, Rick smiled as he realised someone had finally answered. "Hello," Rick said quietly. "Mr Beckett?"

"What do you want?" a slurred voice asked as Rick shut his eyes, realising that the man who clearly drunk and therefore probably wasn't in a fit state to see his daughter.

"Mr Beckett, I'm calling about your daughter Kate. She woke up today and she keeps asking for you," he admitted, shutting his eyes as he heard the sound of glass bottles down the line. This man was clearly the alcoholic Esposito and Ryan had described earlier and that devastated him. Kate needed someone strong in her life, not a man who was destroying his life because his family had been shattered over the last twelve years.

"I don't believe you," Jim suddenly shouted as shock covered Rick's face. "Why would she just wake up? I don't believe you, Katie is in a coma. She will never wake up," he blurted out before the line went dead, Rick groaning as he realised that the older man had just hung up on him and was clearly not going to visit.

"Shit," Rick whispered before glancing across at the room that Kate was in. He had to tell her something. Moving towards the room, Rick forced a smile onto his face before he entered the small room to see her sitting up, still playing with her bracelet that she was using as a distraction. "He wasn't answering the phone, he's probably out," he declared as she nodded slowly and looked up at him. "So," he whispered before moving to sit down in the chair as she bit into her lip slowly.

"What year is it?" Kate asked quietly as she turned to face him slowly.

"2011," he answered honestly as she looked down.

"It was January 1999 the last time I remember," she whispered before biting into her lip. "I guess I'm thirty two years old then," she muttered after a few moments as he nodded slowly, taking in the tears that were starting to run down the cheek. "I always thought I'd have a career by now, perhaps even a husband and a family. I never imagined I'd be waking up from a coma," she sobbed as Rick slowly moved to sit down on the edge of the bed before finding her hand and squeezing it gently as she glanced up at him. "I was a teenager yesterday and now I'm a thirty two year old with nothing to say about her life."

"I know it's hard," he began before she shook her head.

"You know nothing about this. You haven't been in a coma for twelve years to wake up in a room full of detective's and strangers and your parents aren't even here to support you or hug you," she shouted before shaking her head. "I'm sorry, I just…"

"It's okay, you're allowed to be frustrated about the whole situation." he promised as she brushed her hair away from her face.

"I thought they'd be here. Twelve years I've been in a coma and they're not here when I wake up," she admitted as Rick shut his eyes, hating that he couldn't be honest with her about what had happened to her other. She felt unloved, she felt alone and he wanted to make her understand that her parents weren't here because they didn't want to be but instead because everything had been destroyed the night of the accident. The night of her mother's murder!

"You want anything?" he asked as confusion covered her face. "Do you like milkshakes?" he asked as she nodded slowly. "How about I go and get you a milkshake from Remy's? Whatever flavour you like," he suggested as Kate nodded slowly, watching as he stood up and pulled his jacket on. "What's your favourite flavour then?"

"Strawberry," she admitted honestly before he nodded and walked towards the door. "You don't have any other plans do you? You don't need to be anywhere today?" she asked as he shook his head quickly.

"I'll be back soon, try and relax while I'm gone," he stated before walking out of the room in silence before taking the cell phone out of his pocket. Dialling Esposito's number, the writer slowly made his way to the elevator as he waited for the detective to answer.

"Esposito," Javier quickly responded as Rick smiled.

"I need Jim Beckett's address," Rick immediately declared before he heard Javier groan. "I called him and he doesn't believe me that Kate is awake and he sounded drunk and she desperately wants someone here, she wants her parents," the writer explained as Javier remained silent. "Javi she's woken up in 2011 when all she remembers is 1999 and she's now thirty two but she feels like she's a nineteen year old girl who's woken up from a nightmare," he declared, stepping into the elevator as he shut his eyes. "I just want to go and see him, try and persuade him to visit, and then I'll go back to the hospital, I promised her a milkshake."

"Castle don't get too involved in this case and don't get too involved with her," Javier warned before agreeing to give the address to him, reciting it from memory as Castle nodded slowly. "I know you want to help her..."

"She was nineteen years old when she watched her mother murdered and then was attacked and put into a coma. She was three years older than my daughter is now when all of this happened and all of a sudden she's woken up and is thirty two years old and her mother is dead and no one is allowed to tell her that," Rick declared. "She needs a friend, she needs someone to be there for her at the moment, at least if her father's not ready yet," Rick said, mainly trying to explain to himself why he was going to such lengths for a woman he'd only just met and didn't know anything about.

XXOXOXOXOXOXOOX

Walking towards the apartment door, Rick bit into his lip before he knocked on the door and waited for an answer. Hearing the sound of glass smashing, Rick waited patiently before he heard the sound of locks being undone quickly and the door slowly creaked open to reveal the face of an older and exhausted looking man who was now staring at him.

"Who are you? What do you want?" he immediately asked as Rick forced a smile onto his face.

"My name is Richard Castle, I called you about your daughter," Rick admitted as Jim continued to stare at him in silence. "Mr Beckett, I know it's been a long time but your daughter really is awake and she's desperate to see you. The doctor has advised that we don't tell her about your wife yet so she thinks you're both alive and you're avoiding her," the writer blurted out, desperate for the older man to come to the hospital and visit his daughter.

"She's really awake, Katie's awake," Jim slurred as Rick nodded, watching as the other man clung onto the door slightly tighter. "She won't want to see me, not like this," he finally muttered as Rick stared at him.

"I know about the case, I know about your drinking and I know it'll upset her but she needs to see you and you need to see her. You need to know that she's getting better. Please, just have a shower and change your clothes and come and see her even if it's just for an hour," Rick begged as he nodded slowly, not knowing what else to say as he opened the door more to allow Rick into the apartment. Stepping inside, Rick took in the various bottles that covered the floor as Jim shut the door and breathed out.

"I'll shower," Jim yawned before walking towards the bathroom while Rick entered the living room to see a duvet and pillow on the couch and numerous pictures covering the surfaces. Staring at the family photograph, Rick smiled at the sight of a teenage Kate Beckett with her proud parents. She looked so young and happy and now, now all he could think about was the woman who was crying because she was thirty two instead of nineteen! Hearing the water running, Rick sighed as he sat down on the couch and looked at the photographic shrine Jim had created for his wife and daughter. He clearly loved them and he clearly had got lost after his wife's death! Hearing the water turn off and movement for a few moments, Rick turned when he heard a door open and watched as Jim walked out in smarter clothes than before with exhaustion covering his face.

"I need to go and buy some milkshakes before we go to the hospital though," Rick admitted as they moved towards the door and silently left the apartment.

XOXOXOXOXOXXO

Approaching her hospital room in silence, Rick smiled as he slowly opened the door to see Kate lying in the bed with her eyes firmly shut. She looked exhausted but he wanted her to see Jim before he decided to leave.

"Kate, I brought your milkshake," Rick stated, watching as her eyes opened and she stared at him in amazement before she sat up and took the milkshake from him. "I also brought something else with me," he admitted, watching as Jim Beckett slowly entered the bedroom in silence, Kate's smile growing as he walked towards her and allowed her to tightly wrap her arms around his body, tears running down her cheeks in happiness.

"Katie bug," Jim whispered as she sobbed into his neck, smelling the strong alcohol on his breath. "I love you, I love you my beautiful girl," the older man whispered as Kate practically clung to him, not wanting to let him go as Rick watched them in complete silence. "I can't believe you're awake, they told us it wouldn't happen, they said you'd never wake up because it had been too long," he muttered, pressing a kiss to her forehead as tears began to run down his own cheeks. His little girl was okay; his daughter was going to be okay! He still had Kate. "Twelve years Kate."

"Daddy," Kate whispered as he nodded slowly, brushing her hair away from her face as she bit into her lip again nervously. "I should have my milkshake before it goes horrid," she immediately blurted out as the two men nodded, the brunette realising that she'd ignored the drink Rick had bought her in order to be held by her father. Taking a sip of her drink slowly, Kate smiled as she glanced across at the writer who was watching her in complete silence. "They're better than I remember."

"When you get out of here I'll take you for a burger as well," Rick blurted out before falling silent, a laugh leaving Kate's lips as she nodded slowly, noticing the embarrassed look that was covering his face.

"I'd like that," Kate admitted, falling silent when she heard a loud ringing noise. "What's that?" the brunette questioned as Rick dug out his cell phone and stared at the smiling image of his daughter that was appearing on the screen. "What is that?" Kate asked quickly, staring at the object that he was holding in his hands in complete amazement as he smiled at her reaction.

"It's my cell phone and that is my daughter calling," he explained, her shock growing as he stood up and excused himself from the room, knowing he wasn't supposed to be on the phone in the hospital anyway. Answering it quickly, Rick turned away from the nurses before holding the phone to his ear. "Hello pumpkin," Rick greeted, listening as Alexis questioned when he would come home. "I'll be home at some point Alexis it's just there's been a case and…" he began before falling silent, not knowing how to explain this to his daughter. "There's a girl, well a woman Alexis and no not like that. She's just woken up from a coma after being attacked twelve years ago when her mother was murdered and I didn't want to leave her alone," he explained, smiling at his daughter's immediate concern. "I promise I'll be home at some point tonight Alexis," he announced before he said goodbye to her and moved back into the bedroom to see Kate and Jim sitting separate while the brunette rested back in the bed, clearly tired.

"I'm going to go Katie," Jim immediately announced as Rick opened his mouth to speak, knowing that if Jim left he would feel bad about leaving for the night and would probably end up staying with Kate.

"Will mom come and visit tonight dad?" Kate asked quietly, her voice filled with exhaustion as Jim looked down for a moment. "I understand if she's working a big case or something but it would just be nice if she'd call or something," the brunette explained as Jim felt the tears running down his cheek. "What's going on?"

"Kate, you should try and get some sleep," Rick suggested, desperately trying to stop Jim from going against what the doctor had ordered.

"You don't know me so don't think you can tell me what to do. You just turned up this morning with some cops wanting information and have stayed, you don't know me at all," Kate immediately snapped before looking at her father. "Something's wrong and none of you are telling me what's going on," she stated as she moved to sit up, her anger building up as she stared at her father and the writer who were watching her. "Dad, you're drinking and by the smell of you you're drinking a lot," she blurted out in anger as the two men fell completely silent, staring as she began to gasp for air, clearly stressed by the whole situation.

"Kate," Rick said quietly as he moved towards her and found her hand as Jim remained completely silent, not knowing what to say as he watched Rick hold his daughter's hand. "Breathe; you need to calm down Kate and you need to breathe."

"Where's my mom? I want my mom," Kate sobbed as Jim shook his head and stormed out of the room, shock covering Rick's face as he felt Kate lean against him in exhaustion. She was tired and sick and he didn't know what to do to make it easier. "Where's my mom?" she whispered as Rick slowly moved her to lie down properly on the bed.

"Would you like me to stay until visiting hours finish Kate?" Rick asked as she remained still in the bed, practically in shock as she shut her eyes slowly and yawned. "I can leave if you want to be alone, it's your choice."

"Stay," Kate mumbled as he nodded and felt her tighten her grip of his hand. "Is my mom okay? She was there the night I was attacked, is she okay?" she questioned as she slowly opened her eyes and looked at the writer who'd entered her life today and seemed to be the only person who was being honest to her, who was treating her to some extent as a normal person rather than a coma patient. "Was she hurt too?"

**I'm not sure about this chapter but again, it depends on what you think and everything. Your response to the first chapter was amazing and I love hearing from you, you make me want to write. **

**I'm not happy with Jim Beckett in this so far but he will develop as the story goes along and Kate will become more like Beckett we know in the show but she still believes she's nineteen, knows people are keeping things from her and has a lot to learn about herself and what happened to her as well as about the world around her. Anyway, please review… **


	3. The Nightmare

"Thank god you're here," Karen, the dark haired nurse, commented as Rick entered the hospital and stared at the woman who was almost smiling at him in relief. "She attempted to get out of bed today and it didn't go well, she's refusing to talk to anyone," she explained as Rick smiled down at the bag Alexis had helped him pack earlier for her. He'd bought her books earlier in the week after their first day of knowing each other and he'd gone out the previous evening with Alexis to buy her some clothes. He knew she was fed up with the hospital gown they were forcing her to wear and he'd gone out to buy her some comfortable things to wear. "Try and cheer her up, she needs to have some breakfast."

"Do you think I could get a wheelchair and take her out for some breakfast? Just in the café downstairs?" he suggested as Karen bit into her lip, trying to make a decision. "I'll get her changed first and then perhaps you could make a decision?" Rick questioned as Karen nodded in agreement before he walked towards her private room and knocked on the door. Entering in silence, Rick stared at the brunette who was sat up on the bed with one of his books that was nearly finished. It was the third book he'd given her that week and he was happy to see that she was enjoying his work, it gave them something to discuss during their days. "Good morning Kate," he smiled as she glanced up from the book, sending him a quick smile before returning to the novel. "Finishing the chapter?"

"Finishing the book," she responded as he laughed and sat down in his familiar chair before resting the bag he'd brought on his lap before removing a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt that Alexis had chosen for the woman. Watching her in silence as she completed the novel, Rick watched as she closed it and rested it on the table beside her before looking across at him. "You get better as you go along," she commented as he nodded in agreement. "Do I get to read the Storm novels now?" she asked as he laughed.

"It's good that I remembered to bring the first one," he admitted, removing it from the bag before passing it to her as excitement covered her face. "I brought you some clothes as well, I thought you'd like to get out of the hospital gown," he explained, passing the clothing to her as excitement covered her face at the prospect of getting out of the hospital gown.

"Thank you," Kate smiled before glancing down at them. "Did Helen tell you what happened this morning?" she asked quietly as Rick nodded slowly, her eyes shutting as she groaned. "I just want to get out of this stupid bed, I want to be able to walk around and do something," she admitted, clearly frustrated as Rick slowly moved to sit down on the bed beside her before taking hold of her hand.

"You'll get out of this bed before you know it," he whispered as she rolled her eyes.

"You said that a week ago," she moaned, falling back against the pillows as he laughed and watched her as she began to play with her hair.

"What if I told you that if you get changed and act happier with Karen than you did earlier," he began as her eyebrows rose in excitement. "Karen might let me take you down to the café for breakfast," Rick explained quickly as she bit into her lip and nodded slowly before smiling down at the clothes he'd bought her. "I'll leave you to get dressed," he stated before walking out of the room in search of Karen. Lifting the hospital gown off, Kate bit into her lip as she stared down at her body before reaching for the t-shirt and pulling it on. She was skinnier than she'd ever been in her life and the doctors were desperate for her to put on weight. Swinging her legs forcibly, Kate smiled as she pulled on the sweat pants before breathing out and lying back. She was exhausted and she hated that her body was being so useless! She wanted to be able to get dressed properly; she wanted to be able to walk around. She just wanted to live her life again! Hearing a knock at the door, Kate turned and watched Rick walk in before nodding. "Much better," he commented as she laughed to herself.

"I feel better actually with just a change of clothes," Kate answered, the two of them falling silent as Karen entered the room with a wheelchair.

"You go down to the café and you come back here in an hour before the doctor gets back, you don't leave the hospital," she warned as both Rick and Kate nodded in agreement before she laughed and walked out of the room again. Walking towards the bed, Rick smiled as Kate bit into her lip and stared at him in silence before he lifted her into his arms and moved towards the chair, embarrassment covering her face at the prospect of having to be carried across the room.

"We'll get you walking again Kate," he whispered into her hair before placing her into the chair, the brunette nodding slowly as he began to wheel her out of the room for the first time. She hadn't left the room in twelve years and here she was, being wheeled out to get breakfast with Richard Castle! Entering the elevator in silence, Rick glanced down at Kate who was still playing with her hair before he wheeled her out and approached the small café. "Tea or coffee?" he asked as he found them a table and glanced across at her.

"Coffee," Kate admitted as he nodded and walked away to purchase their drinks before returning to find her glancing across at people around them. "Thank you," Kate whispered, taking hold of the warm mug before Rick sat down and looked at her. "They all keep staring at me," she commented as she glanced across at a couple who were sat behind them. "It's like their judging me, like it's weird to see a woman in a wheelchair inside a hospital."

"Kate they're not watching us and if they are they're probably just trying to guess why you're in a wheelchair, people do that all the time in hospitals," Rick promised as she nodded slowly, taking a sip of the warm liquid before shutting her eyes and relaxing back. "You're looking better every day," he commented as she laughed and smiled into her coffee while he watched her in amazement. "And by that I mean healthier, you've been beautiful since you woke up."

"Stop it," Kate warned as he shrugged.

"Just being honest," he declared as she rolled her eyes and finished her drink before relaxing back.

"Have you found anything else out about my mom yet?" Kate questioned as he shook his head, hating himself for lying to her. He'd told her that he didn't know anything about what had happened to her mother since he'd entered the precinct and found himself being brought to the hospital to meet her and he'd promised to find out what had happened to her mom. "There's something wrong Rick, she wouldn't just leave me here. She would visit every day and refuse to leave the hospital, it was the sort of person she was Rick."

"Kate," he whispered, fighting an inner battle of whether to tell her the truth about what had happened to her mother. If he told her she'd be able to grieve, to have the answers she was desperate for but if the doctor was right, telling her could damage her recovery and her ability to remember the events. "She sounds like an amazing woman Kate," he sighed as Kate nodded and smiled, glancing across at him as he watched her.

"She's brilliant, dedicated to everything she does whether family or work. I always wanted to be like her since I was really little," Kate admitted as Rick listened to her. "I loved going to work with her; I would sit in the chair beside her desk and just listen to everything she said. I was studying law at college, I was going to try and be a lawyer like she was," she sighed before shaking her head at the tears that were starting to run down her cheeks. "She never left me. She was never late to pick me up from school or for events. Dad always was and he'd attempt to make up for it but I didn't care because he was always there in the end. Rick she wouldn't just leave me like this, she wouldn't leave me here."

"Kate calm down," Rick said quietly as he moved to the seat beside her before taking hold of her hand and squeezing it, knowing that it was beginning to stress her out and her doctor wouldn't be impressed.

"Something's happened to her Rick," Kate answered, looking at him in silence. "I know it has."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXO

"Anything yet?" Ryan asked down the phone as Rick glanced across at the sleeping woman who had her arms tightly wrapped around his book.

"She doesn't remember anything," Rick stated, watching as she began to toss in the bed. "She wants to know what's happened to her mom, I can't keep lying to her Ryan," he declared as the detective groaned, feeling as bad about the situation as the writer did. Watching as Kate began to toss more and groan, Rick bit into his lip in panic before he quickly told Ryan that he had to leave, hanging up before he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "Kate, you need to wake up," he declared before shaking her slightly, needing her to wake up as she began to thrash about. "Kate," he almost shouted, her eyes flying open before she tightly wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into his neck. "It's okay, I've got you."

"They kept shouting, they were shouting at her Rick and they didn't stop. She was screaming and I couldn't help her, someone was holding onto me tightly," she sobbed as he stared down at her in silence, realising that her dream had brought back some of the memories of that night. "They were breathing on me; I could smell cigarettes and his aftershave."

"Kate, I need to call Ryan and Esposito," he whispered as she shook her head and remained close to him, not wanting him to let her go. "Kate, do you remember how many people there were?" he asked as she remained silent for a moment. "There was a man holding you, how many others were there?"

"One more," Kate said quietly before glancing up at him and shaking her head. "There were two men Rick."

"Thank you," he whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair before reaching across for his cell phone and dialling Javier's number while Kate cuddled into his side and shut her eyes, still crying.

"Esposito," Javier answered as Rick glanced down to see her curled up against him like Alexis used to do as a young child.

"There were two men," Rick blurted out before they fell silent. "She remembers two men Esposito."

"Okay, tell her thank you," Javier responded before he hung up and Rick ran his fingers through Kate's hair, trying desperately to comfort her in some way.

"Esposito says thank you," he whispered as she remained still. "Come on, talk to me," he muttered, cuddling her close as she rested her head against his chest, hating how weak she was acting.

"He was breathing on my neck and he kept making these comments," she muttered, clutching onto his t-shirt as he watched her in amazement. "Kept making comments about how beautiful I was, how much I was like my mom and then the other man started shouting at the man who was holding me, I can't remember what he was saying," she whispered before shaking her head in annoyance. "That's when I was hit on the head I think, I don't remember anything else."

"It's okay, that's more than we had earlier Kate," Rick insisted, desperate for her to feel like she had achieved something through reliving the nightmare as she remained cuddled up against him. "We're going to catch the bastards who did this Kate."

"Will you stay tonight?" she asked quietly as he remained silent, not knowing what to say. He wasn't supposed to stay in the hospital and he wasn't supposed to get this involved with someone who was involved in a case. "I don't want to be alone if I'm going to have that dream again."

"I'll stay, I won't leave you."

XOOXOXOXXOXOXOX

Reading her the first Storm novel quietly, Rick stared at the woman who was cuddled up against him in complete silence. She hadn't moved since her nightmare, instead remaining as close to him as she would allow. He'd called Alexis, telling her that he wouldn't be home that night and he'd sorted out staying with the doctors after much pleading! He wasn't going to leave her, not when she had no one else to spend time with her and look after her! He needed to be there for her, he needed to help her to get better, to help her get justice for her mother.

"You never imagine something like this will happen when you're a teenager," Kate commented as he fell silent and listened to her. "I imagined that by the time I was thirty I'd be in a serious relationship or even married, I dreamt I'd have this amazing career and would be thinking about babies. I always wanted a family," she admitted, the writer taking in how broken she sounded. "Everything's messed up now."

"You can still have that Kate," he declared as she glanced up at him and shook her head. "Thirty two is not old Miss Beckett."

"I'm never going to be the same person again am I though? Twelve years of my life are gone, I haven't achieved anything. Who would want to be in a relationship with someone who was at college one day and then woke up in a coma twelve years later? I'm complicated and I'm messed up and by the time I find someone who would even take that chance it'll be unlikely I could have the family I wanted.

"You're making it sound like you're at least forty five Kate; you're in your earlier thirties. Loads of women now aren't having babies until their forties Kate so stop worrying," he explained as she nodded slowly, embarrassed at how stupid her rant was. It sounded like the only thing she wanted from life was to get married and have children and that was wrong! "Anyway, people would be stupid not to want to be in a relationship with you," he commented as she stared at him. "You're a beautiful woman Kate and you're kind and intelligent," he listed as she rested against him, taking in everything he was saying. "And life always has a way of surprising us."

"What do you mean?" Kate questioned.

"Life doesn't go by the plan we want, if it had I wouldn't have been married twice and divorced twice and I wouldn't have my daughter," he explained as she nodded slowly. "For all you know Kate, the man of your dreams might walk through that door in the next five minutes, you just have to wait and see what happens," he smiled, observing her yawn before he laughed. "You need to get some sleep Kate," he whispered, glancing down at her as she shook her head again. She didn't want to go to sleep; she wanted to stay talking and thinking about something completely different. She didn't want to think about the attack again. She didn't want to hear her mom screaming her name in agony. "Kate, if you start having a nightmare again I will wake you up I promise but you need to get some rest or you won't get any better."

"You promise to wake me up?" she asked nervously as he nodded.

"I haven't broken a promise yet," he stated as she smiled and relaxed again.

"Will you keep on reading?" she questioned.

"Until you're asleep Kate," he responded quickly, finding where he'd left off before starting to read again until she fell asleep against him. "We'll find them Kate, we'll find them and we'll make sure they can never hurt anyone again," he whispered to her before closing the book and placing it on the bedside table before relaxing. He'd known this woman a week and yet here he was, sleeping the same bed with her with a desperate need to protect her from everything that had happened in the past. "I'm going to look after you Kate, I'm going to help you get better," he muttered before shutting his eyes.

**What do you think? I'm not particularly happy with this chapter but it depends on what you think. I know that Beckett doesn't seem like Beckett but she's a different person and she will become more Beckett like as the story goes along and she learns the truth. I'm thinking about introducing Alexis to Kate in the next chapter but it depends on what you want to see. Any ideas are welcome. **


	4. Kate meets Alexis

"Are you sure you want to try this?" Rick asked as the brunette nodded and forced a smile onto her face before sitting up and moving her legs to rest over the edge. She could do this! She wanted to try and she was going to do this. "I'm here Kate, you can do this," he smiled, watching as she lifted herself off the bed and forced herself onto her feet, panicking covering her face when she began to wobble. Tightly wrapping his arms around her body, Rick watched as she slowly looked up with disappointment covering her face. "You're allowed to wobble," he whispered before she nodded slowly and remained in his arms. "Just follow me, I won't let you go Kate," he declared, stepping backwards slowly as she bit into her lip. Nervously, Kate moved her left foot, taking her first step in twelve years before the other foot followed and a laugh left her lips.

"I did it, I actually did it" she said in excitement as he nodded and took another step back, the younger woman slowly following him again. "Let me try by just holding your hands," she insisted as he stared down at her feet nervously. He currently had his arms tightly wrapped around her body and was practically holding her up and he was terrified she'd fall again if he let go of her. "Please, I can do this," Kate whispered, the writer nodded before he stepped away and clung onto her hands, the brunette biting into her lip before she attempted to step forward, her body fighting her as she began to fall again into the writer's hold. "I just want to walk Rick," she moaned as he slowly helped her towards the bed again she rested back against the headboard. "I want to be able to walk across the room, it's not like I'm asking to run the marathon."

"I know Kate and you're getting there, you're just not strong enough yet but you will be soon. You couldn't even stand up with help last week and look what you did today," Rick smiled as he sat down beside her before gently brushing her hair away from her face while he stared at her. "I have a meeting this afternoon Kate," he declared as she watched him in silence before finding his hands again. "My publisher wants me to talk to me about the newest book and some press events," he explained as she collapsed back against the headboard and shut her eyes. "But I've arranged for someone to come and spend the evening with you," he explained.

"Who?" Kate immediately questioned, concern covering her face at who he had have invited to spend time with her that evening. He was the only person she'd really spent time with since she'd woken up and she was nervous about meeting someone else. She didn't know much about what had happened since she'd been in a coma and she was nervous to meet someone new.

"My daughter," he admitted as she bit into her lip nervously, worried about what his daughter would think about her. "You'll love Alexis Kate, I promise. I've told her lots about you and she'd like to spend time with you and well, I thought you might like to spend some time with another woman for an evening instead of me," Rick explained as she nodded slowly, forcing a smile onto her face before she laced her fingers with his. "I'll have my cell phone on me though if you need to talk and I will come back if anything happens but I have to go to this meeting or Paula will murder me," he smiled as Kate nodded slowly, still holding onto his hand. "I'll come back afterwards though to collect Alexis and I might even bring dinner, I won't be too late."

"Inviting yourself to dinner now are you Mr Castle?" Kate questioned as a small smile covered her face while the writer shrugged. "I'd like that and I would love to meet your daughter, thank you for inviting her," she said quietly before she relaxed and shut her eyes while Rick watched her. "She doesn't mind coming here does she? She doesn't have anything better to do," she began as he laughed and shook her head.

"No, she offered when I said that I had to leave early today. She's excited to get to know you," Rick explained. "She might have to do some work while she's here though," Rick added as Kate nodded slowly before opening her eyes and staring at the older man. "You're going to get there soon Kate," he said quietly as confusion covered her face at his statement. "With the walking and everything, you'll get it and then we can get you out of here and into the real world."

"We?" Kate asked quietly before they fell silent, the two of them glancing down at their linked hands.

"I'm not just going to leave you once you get out of here Kate," he stated as she smiled weakly at him. "I'm going to help you get your life back Kate, I'm not just going to disappear when you're discharged," Rick explained before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead, glancing down at his watch as he moved away.

"Thank you."

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Alexis is on her way," Rick said quietly as he slid his cell phone back into his pocket and stared at the brunette who was currently reading another one of his books, a nervous smile covering her face when she shut the book and turned to face him. "She's going to love you okay," he announced as he moved out of his chair and sat down on the edge of the bed as she relaxed back against the cushions and stared at him. "Why are you so nervous?" he asked, finding her hand as she glanced down at her book, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to look like a complete idiot but she knew he would find some way of getting out of her before he left.

"You're the only person I've talked to since I woke up, what if I scare her or something?" Kate questioned. "I don't know what to talk about. I've been in a coma for twelve years, for the majority of her life," she ranted as Rick remained silent, taking in everything she was saying. "I don't know what to say to her. I can't decide books or films…"

"Kate stop worrying, she knows that you've been in a coma and she's fine with it," Rick declared as she shut her eyes in frustration. "She's not difficult to talk too; she'll talk about everything really."

"But we have nothing in common," Kate insisted, her eyes opening to glance at the writer who was still holding onto her hand tightly. "Maybe you should tell her to go home instead; I can stay here on my own."

"I'm not leaving you here on your own Kate," he insisted as she shut her eyes, knowing that he was desperate to make sure that she was happy. "I would cancel the meeting but I have to go or Gina and Paula will come and kill me and we wouldn't want that," he explained before leaning forward and gently pressing a kiss to her forehead, the two remaining close as they slowly fell silent. "You're going to be perfectly fine, Alexis will talk about anything you want," he whispered before a knock at the door rang around the room and he moved away, smiling when a young redhead entered the room with a large grin covering her face as she approached her father and hugged him. "Alexis, this is Kate. Kate this is my daughter Alexis," he introduced as the two women looked at each other for a moment with small shy smiles covering their faces. "Right I have to go now," he stated, grabbing his bag while Alexis slowly moved towards the chair and sat down, watching as her father quickly hugged the brunette before waving at her and moving towards the door. "You can call my cell if either of you need me," he called over as Kate rolled her eyes.

"Just go," Kate responded quickly, Alexis smiling at her as Rick disappeared from sight finally. "Thank you for coming," Kate blurted out when she glanced across at the redhead who suddenly blushed at her. "You didn't have to come by the way; I can cope with being on my own."

"I wanted too come, dad was worried about leaving you and he thought you might like someone else to talk too," Alexis admitted as Kate bit into her lip, knowing that Rick was too concerned about her. "He talks about you a lot at home as well so I thought I might as well come and meet the woman he's been keeping my father occupied," she laughed as Kate began to blush. "All he says is good things about you I promise; I don't think I've ever heard him say something bad about you."

"Being in a coma for twelve years could be seen as a bad thing," Kate suggested as Alexis shrugged at her comment.

"That wasn't your fault," the teenager smiled as Kate nodded slowly before they both fell silent for a moment before laughing. "What's it like?"

"What?" Kate questioned.

"Waking up to find that twelve years have just disappeared," Alexis explained as Kate bit into her lip, not knowing what to say. It was hard to describe, explaining what it was like to wake up to find that twelve years of your life were gone and you had to learn to walk and learn about what's happened in the world. "We don't have to talk about it, it's just I've never met anyone who's been in a coma before."

"It's fine Alexis, I guess that's what's going to interest people now," Kate sighed as Alexis stared at her in amazement. "It was bizarre, just waking up to find this stranger in my room telling me that I'd been in a coma and twelve years of my life were just gone," she admitted before shutting her eyes. "I remember when your dad took out his cell phone for the first time and I was just amazed by all the things he could do on it."

"I can imagine," Alexis laughed as Kate nodded. "Have you seen the angry bird's game yet?" she questioned as Kate shook her head.

"Angry birds?" the brunette questioned as she glanced across at the younger woman who was smiling at her.

"Dad's obsessed with it, it's a game. Whenever he's bored, he plays on it," Alexis explained as Kate relaxed back. "Dad has this habit of going over the top with things," she stated as Kate's eyebrows rose. "He was arrested once."

"What for?" Kate questioned in shock as the redhead bit into her lip. "You can't stop now, not after telling me that."

"He got really drunk once when I was a baby, he went out with my mom and her friends and he was dared to steal a police horse," Alexis explained as Kate shook her head in amazement. "So he did but he also managed to steal the horse naked and he was arrested," she blurted out before they began to laugh together.

"How long was he in jail for?" Kate said quietly as Alexis bit into her lip.

"The whole night," Alexis said shyly. "Mom ran off with her friends when the cop turned up and my gram was called when he was brought in. She was babysitting me and she told the cops to keep him there to sober up. Apparently in the morning she turned up with me to bail him out and dad was completely hung over and he just walked over and took hold of me," the redhead whispered as Kate stared at her in amazement. The more she learnt about the writer who had been spending every day with her, the more he amazed and confused her.

"Your dad clearly loves you," Kate commented as Alexis stared at her. "He's extremely proud of you Alexis; he never stops talking about you and the amazing things you've achieved. I haven't known him that long but you're his proudest achievement, I think anyone can tell that," Kate admitted as the redhead watched her lie down in the bed and shut her eyes for a moment.

"Are you okay?" Alexis questioned as she moved the chair closer to the bed.

"Yeah, I just miss my parents," Kate said emotionally as Alexis bit into her lip. "I just miss everything to do with my life. I miss my parents, my friends, just the person I was twelve years ago," she blurted out before shaking her head and opening her eyes to see the concern that was covering Alexis' face. "Sorry."

"It's okay, you must feel lonely," Alexis commented as Kate shrugged. "Have you tried to contact any of your friends?" she questioned as Kate shook her head.

"It's been twelve years, they've probably moved on. They'll all have careers now and some of them will be married with kids," Kate stated as she remained silent, Alexis watching her in amazement. "And my dad has just walked off and disappeared and I haven't heard from my mom," the brunette explained before biting into her lip while tears ran down her cheeks. "You're lucky to have a dad like yours."

"I'm sure your dad will come back, it's probably just the shock."

"He's drinking, I know that," Kate sighed to herself before shaking her head and turning away. "I'm going to try and get some sleep," she whispered as Alexis nodded and watched as she shut her eyes before she dug her book out of her bag and relaxed into the chair as silence filled the room.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

"Hi pumpkin," Rick said quietly as he entered the room with the take out Chinese to see his daughter curled up in the chair with her book, a small tired smile covering her face as her father leant down and gently pressed a kiss to her forehead. "How has she been?" he questioned, glancing across at the sleeping brunette before resting against the side of the chair.

"We were discussing you and she got upset because of her parents," Alexis responded as Rick shut his eyes. "She just shut down and went to sleep, we were laughing and having a good time and the next second she's crying," the redhead explained as Rick slowly moved towards the bed and sat down on the edge before glancing down at the sleeping woman. "She might want to eat; she hasn't eaten since you left."

"Okay," Rick smiled before shaking the brunette slightly, laughing when she grabbed the blanket and pulled it over her body again before swearing under her breath. "I brought Chinese," he said as she groaned again and turned, glancing up at him as he smiled at her. "I thought that would wake you up Miss Beckett," he declared as she slowly sat up while Alexis moved and took the take out of the bag. Sharing the meals amongst those around her, Alexis watched as Kate opened her carton and held onto her chopsticks.

"Rick," Kate whispered as he nodded, his mouth full of noodles as her smile grew, even though she was determine to remain serious. "Have you found anything else out about my mom yet?" she questioned as Alexis and Rick stopped eating, hating how they were lying to her. Alexis could see why her father was so traumatised by lying to Kate. She looked terrified and desperate as she asked about her mother and she could see the guilt covering her father's face. "If you've found something, please tell me."

"I'm still looking Kate, I promise," he declared as she nodded and slowly returned to her meal.

"How was your meeting?" Alexis blurted out, desperately trying to change the conversation as the writer smiled and began to explain all the decisions that were being made about his book tour.

"You're going on a tour?" Kate questioned in shock as he turned to face her, panic covering her face as he put his meal down on the table and moved to sit closer to her. "When?" she said nervously, annoyed at how weak she sounded.

"Not for another month Kate," he stated as Kate returned to her meal slowly, not knowing what to say. "We'll talk about it later okay, I should get Alexis home," he explained as he glanced across at his yawning daughter as Kate nodded in agreement. Finishing his meal, Rick quickly binned the cartons that had held their Chinese before he collected his daughter's bag and watched as the teenager pulled her coat on before smiling across at the brunette.

"Can I hug you?" Alexis asked as Kate nodded, smiling when Alexis' arms tightened around her body. "I can come and visit whenever you like, if you want me too of course."

"We should have a girl's night if I ever get out of here," Kate whispered before Alexis moved away and approached her father. "I'll see you tomorrow Rick," she added as he opened his mouth to speak, to insist that he was going to come back. "You should get some proper sleep, I'm fine and I'm tired. I wouldn't be very entertaining."

"I'll see you tomorrow then," he smiled, moving towards the bed before he gently pressed a kiss to her forehead, not moving away as quickly as he should. "Are you going to be okay?" he whispered as she nodded and relaxed back. "Tomorrow I'll see whether I can break you out."

"Break me out?" she asked.

"In a wheelchair, we could go out somewhere for a couple of hours. I could just take you on a drive," he suggested as she nodded in excitement. She was desperate to get out of the hospital room and even though she couldn't walk, it didn't mean she couldn't go out. There was nothing physically wrong with her, she just needed to get used to walking again. "I'll talk to the nurse on the way out."

"Thank you," she responded, watching as he slowly moved away from her and walked towards Alexis again, the two Castle's waving at her before walking out of the room, leaving her alone in the silent room.

**I've become a terrible updater but I have A Levels for the next month and they take priority unfortunately. **

**Please review, I love hearing from you and it's the only thing getting me through my exams. Writing stories seems to be the only thing I'm good at at the moment and well, I like to hear your thoughts and your ideas. Also if there's anything you want to see, please tell me. Ideas are always welcome! **


	5. Dinner and a Show?

"You look nice today Kate," the young nurse commented as she entered the private room to see the brunette sat on the edge of the bed in a navy blue dress that went to her knees while she ran the brush through her hair. "So have you and your writers got any plans?" she questioned as Kate shrugged, knowing that Rick was in charge of the day and he would be here any minute now to take her away. Hearing the nurse sigh, Kate watched as she quickly walked out of the room before the door opened again and Rick entered the small room with a wheelchair he'd managed to borrow from the hospital.

"Good morning," Rick smiled as Kate looked at him with a large smile covering her face. "You look nice today," he commented, smiling when she began to blush before helping her into the chair. She still couldn't walk properly and he knew that was the major area of concern amongst the doctors but he knew she'd get there. She was Kate Beckett, she'd already proven that she was strong and he wasn't going to give up on her recovering completely. "Let's get out of here," he stated as she nodded, relaxing back as he pushed her out of the room and passed the nurses' station, the nurse from earlier smiling at them both as Rick pushed her into the elevator. "I thought we'd go to my apartment today. I know it's not that much fun but I thought we'd just relax and do more fun things on our future outings when you're more mobile," he explained as she nodded slowly. "I know it's not what you wanted."

"I just want to get out of here. I'm happy with whatever we do," she admitted as she looked up at him to see him staring at her with a blank expression. "Are you okay Rick?" she asked as he nodded, forcing the smile onto his face as she nodded slowly for a moment. "Are Alexis and your mother going to be there?" she questioned as he shook his head.

"They should be at the spa by the time we get home," Rick admitted as she nodded slowly. "Alexis really likes you," he commented.

"Thank you," Kate said quietly. "I like her too, she's a clever young woman and she's as lovely as you described."

"I don't know where she gets it from. She's responsible, clever and unbelievably kind and honestly, she's not that much like her mother or me really but she's one hundred per cent my daughter," Rick explained before she shook her head. "What?" he asked.

"She's just like you Rick, you might not see it but you're really similar," Kate explained as she turned her head to face him. "You both care about other people more than anything. Rick, I was a stranger. I was someone you'd never met before and yet you've come to visit me every day and you're inviting me into your home and you've introduced me to your daughter. Rick, you've been the only person who has come to see me since I woke up and I'll never forget that."

"Kate," Rick whispered as she stared at him for a moment before the doors opened and he pushed her out of the elevator. He hated himself for lying to her and here she was being grateful for having him in her life, for having him as the only person who'd been around. Wheeling her out of the building and towards the car that his driver parked only a few moments away, Rick opened the door before helping her into the vehicle and watching as the driver folded the wheelchair up and put it into the back of the car while Rick climbed inside beside her and found her hand. He couldn't keep lying to her. He couldn't keep lying to the woman who trusted him more than anything in the world at the moment. She deserved the truth more than anything, especially with everything she was dealing with. "We'll go to mine and watch some stupid movies at mine, order a pizza or some Chinese and just generally have a lazy day on the couch."

"That sounds brilliant," Kate admitted as she glanced out the window at the changed city. "New York isn't really anything like I remember Rick, it's so different. It seems so much bigger than I remember it being," she commented, staring at the movement around her as the drive drove them through the city towards Rick's apartment. "I'd like to meet your mother one day."

"Well hopefully the doctors will let me take you out more often and you can. One night I'll take you to this new show she's in. I'll buy us the best seats and I'll take you out for a proper dinner beforehand," he promised as she smirked at him.

"That sounds like a date Mr Castle," she commented as his eyebrows rose. Dressing up, dinner and a show," she listed before they both fell silent for a moment, his hand still holding hers as she bit into her lip. "So, are you asking me out on a date?" she asked as he shut his eyes. He couldn't do this, he couldn't ask her on a date when he was lying to her about her mother's death. Her mother had been murdered and he was covering the whole thing up and now he'd practically asked her on a date and god, he wanted to take her on a date! "Rick?"

"We're here Mr Castle," the driver stated as Rick looked across to see that they were parked outside his apartment.

"Good," Rick stated quickly before climbing out of the vehicle while Kate groaned and shut her eyes in frustration. Hearing the driver unfolding the wheelchair, Kate watched as Rick opened the door and helped out of the vehicle silently before she sat down in the chair and Rick pushed her inside the building, both of them feeling uncomfortable. "What movies do you want to watch Kate?" he asked as they entered the elevator, the brunette shrugging as she sat in silence. Pushing her out when the doors opened, Rick quickly approached his apartment before unlocking the door and pushing Kate into the apartment.

"Wow," Kate muttered as Rick laughed. "This is amazing."

"Thanks," Rick responded as he stopped moving the chair and smiled at her for a moment. "Do you want me to carry you to the couch?" he questioned as she shrugged, smiling when he lifted her out of the chair and carried her towards the brunette before placing her gently onto the furniture. "Do you want a drink?" he asked quietly.

"Can I have some water?" Kate responded as he nodded and moved towards the fridge while she relaxed back into the corner and shut her eyes. "How long have you lived here?" she asked as Rick laughed.

"Sixteen years," Rick admitted as she nodded. "I bought it after I left Alexis' mother," he explained as he poured two waters before bringing them over and sitting down. "I'd caught her mother having sex with a director in our bed and once she left us I couldn't cope with living in that apartment. I saw this place and well, I just fell in love with it."

"I don't blame you," Kate explained as she took the glass from him when he sat down on the couch. "It's an amazing apartment."

"Thanks," Rick said quietly, watching Kate as she glanced around the room, taking in the pictures that were on the surfaces and the various possessions that were on sight.

"It must be nice having somewhere that feels like home," Kate explained as he sighed, watching as she put the glass on the coffee table before watching him. "I'm never going to get out of the hospital am I?" she asked.

"Of course you will," Rick declared.

"I don't have anywhere to go," she said simply. "My father isn't exactly going to welcome me back. He's just left me in a hospital Rick and I don't have anywhere else to go, I don't have any other family except for my parents. I've always lived with my parents except for when I was at college; I don't have my own home."

"Then we'll find you one. You can build a home Kate, you're first ever home. Once you're better we can find you somewhere to live and I'll help you," Rick said simply as she nodded before he stood up and moved towards the cabinet where he kept his dvd's. "The new Star Wars films?" he asked as she nodded quickly.

"The new Star Wars films," she agreed.

XOOXOXOXOXOX

"I can't keep lying," Rick hissed down his cell phone as he stood in his office, the door shut firmly behind him. He'd taken the moment to call Ryan and Esposito while Kate was asleep on the couch because he was still panicking about earlier and the whole date issue. They'd eaten and laughed while watching the movies and she'd fallen asleep during the third Star Wars which hadn't surprised him as she was used to sleeping most of the day. "She needs to know the truth; she deserves to know the truth."

"Her doctor says we can't tell her Castle," Esposito sighed down the line as Rick groaned. "We're not doctors; we don't know what's best for her."

"And you seriously think lying to her about her mother is?" Rick responded, trying to remain quiet so Kate wouldn't hear him if she woke up in the living room. "She has no one. Her father has left her and she's wondering where her mother is. Deep down she knows something has happened."

"We don't have the right to tell her the truth," Javier argued as Rick sat down in his chair and stared at the file that was resting on his desk with the image of a dead Johanna Beckett sticking out of it. He was stupid leaving it out but Kate couldn't get into his office and he was desperate to find some answers so he could make life easier for the younger woman. "Castle, you don't have the right to tell her about her mother."

"She trusts me and this whole time I've been lying to her, she deserves better than that," Rick stated as Javier laughed. "What are you laughing at?"

"Espo," Ryan's voice warned as Rick remained perfectly silent.

"Castle, you're just talking crap now. She's a beautiful woman and you've got close to her and you're starting to feel guilty because you want to be more than a friend," Esposito stated, Rick's mouth opening to reply to the man's comments. "This always happens. There's a beautiful woman and you end up going too far."

"Esposito," Ryan said quickly.

"What it's true?" Esposito replied to his colleague as Rick shook his head in silence. "If the doctor finds out that you told her the truth do you think he's going to let you near her? Do you think she's going to let you near her if you tell her the truth?" the detective explained as Rick sighed. "We don't like this situation Castle, none of us do but we need to do what her doctor thinks is best for her."

"I don't agree him though. He doesn't know her like I do, he hasn't made the effort to get to know her," Rick replied.

"When you have a medical degree Castle, we'll listen to your opinions on the matter," Javier quickly stated before the three men fell silent. "We have to get back to work Castle," Esposito muttered before the line went dead, the writer groaning before he put his cell phone on the table and walked out of his office to see Kate still lying across the couch with a blanket thrown over her body.

"Sit with me Rick," Kate's tired voice demanded as he smiled and moved to sit down on the couch, a yawn leaving her mouth as she rested her head on his lap and felt his fingers begin to play with her without him really noticing his actions. Staring down at her, Rick took in how beautiful and relaxed she looked as she kept her eyes shut before sighing.

"When you can walk properly I'll take you on a date," he said quietly as her smile grew. "When you can walk without assistance, we'll go out for a proper dinner and then a show. Just the two of us," he promised as she nodded slowly and relaxed against him while he continued to play with her hair, curling it around his fingers. He was going to tell her the truth, one day he was going to tell her the truth but he was terrified about making things worse for her. What if the doctor was right? What if he'd been telling the truth and telling Kate the truth about her mother made things worse for her?

"I'd like that," Kate said quietly, snapping him out of his nervous thoughts. "Thank you Rick," Kate whispered as he glanced down at her in confusion.

"For what?" he asked as she relaxed.

"For being my friend," she yawned as he shut his eyes.

She wasn't going to forgive him when she learnt the truth.

**Please review. Reviews get me through revision and through exams and I need that motivation at the moment. **

**I'm not sure about this chapter but what do you think? I'd like to know. **


	6. Nightmare

"Dad," Alexis called out as she knocked on the spare bedroom door and stepped inside to see her father lying in the bed asleep. "Dad," the redhead shouted quickly, watching as her father sat up and glanced at her in exhaustion, his hair all over the place as he glanced at her in silence. "Dad, Kate's screaming," Alexis admitted before her father climbed out of the bed and ran past her in a panic. Running down the stairs two at a time, Rick quickly stepped through his office before pushing his bedroom door open to see the brunette thrashing around in the bed, her screams echoing around the room.

"Kate," Rick soothed as he sat down on the edge of the bed and held her down, desperate to stop her from thrashing around violently. He was worried about her hurting herself and he was even more concerned about what was causing such a reaction. "Kate you need to wake up, Kate please wake up," he panicked, running his hand against her cheek as her eyes quickly opened and her arms moved around his neck. "It's okay, I've got you and no one is ever going to hurt you," he whispered as she sobbed into his neck, her body still violently shaking. "Talk to me Kate, tell me what's wrong," he declared as she remained silent in his arms. "Kate you're shaking, you're shaking so much," Rick whispered as he moved away to look at her, taking in the complete and utter fear that was covering her face as she continued to cry silently. "What's wrong Kate? I've never seen you like this. What's scared you?" he commented before moving out of the way as she leant forward and was suddenly sick. "Okay, we're going to the hospital right now."

"No," Kate shouted, grabbing his arm when he attempted to stand. "I'm sorry, I've made a mess. I'm so sorry," she whispered as he stood up silently and began to remove the duvet, carrying it out of the room as she remained perfectly still on the mattress. "Rick," Kate whispered as he re-entered the room to see her sitting in silence. "Don't take me back to the hospital, I can't go back to the hospital," she muttered nervously as he nodded and moved towards her before sitting down silently. "I don't want to be on my own and you're the only person I've got Rick."

"Kate," Rick said quietly.

"She's dead," Kate sobbed violently as he shut his eyes, realising what had caused the reaction. "I knew something was wrong, she wouldn't just leave me but I convinced myself that she would come back for me. That she there was something stopping her from coming to see me, at least then I had the hope that I still had a family and a home somewhere," Kate admitted quickly, feeling sick again as she thought about her nightmare.

"Did you dream about that night?" Rick asked as she nodded slowly.

"I remember everything Rick," Kate said quietly as the writer pulled her into his arms, cradling her close as she began to sob again. "And the worst bit is that I wasn't unconscious Rick when it happened. I watched my mother bleed to death," she cried as she buried her face into the writer's t-shirt while he pressed a kiss into her dark hair. He wanted to keep her safe; he wanted to make all the memories go away. He wanted to see her laugh and smile again like she'd done when he'd agreed to their date. "They were going to kill me too."

"Kate," Rick said quietly.

"They hit me around the head first, I was unconscious for a little while but when I came round they were stabbing her. They were going to stab me too but there was a noise and they hit me around the head again," she explained, her body shaking violently in his arms as he desperately attempted to think of a way to calm her down. He needed to stop her shaking, he need to calm her down! "Oh god she's dead," Kate sobbed in shock as he rocked her gently. "My mom's dead Rick, she's dead and it's all my fault."

"How is it your fault?" he asked as she glanced up at him.

"I should have saved her, I should have done something but instead I watched as she bled to death right in front of me," Kate cried before Rick slowly cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look at him.

"You couldn't have done anything Kate. You had a serious head injury and there were two of them," he stated as she bit into her lip, almost cutting it as he shook his head at how terrified she was. "You couldn't have done anything to save her Kate so don't let yourself believe that her death was your fault," he whispered before pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Let's get you into a different room, we'll get you comfortable and then I'll call Ryan and Esposito."

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"Because it's their job to find the men who attacked you Kate," Rick explained as he lifted her into his arms and began to carry her out of the bedroom and up the stairs towards the spare room, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. Resting her on the bed, Rick watched as she fell back and buried her face into the cushion while he placed the duvet over her.

"I don't want to talk to them Rick," Kate whispered. "I don't want to think about it."

"How about I call them in the morning and you try and get some sleep?" he suggested as she shook her head.

"I can't, I can't shut my eyes and not picture her laying their dead in that alley," she explained as he stood up and moved into the en-suite, reappearing a few moments later with a glass of water and a tablet. "I don't want to take pills."

"You need to sleep and these will help you relax. I promise you no funny side effects, my mother and I both take them when we need to sleep and can't," he explained as she stared down at the pill he was holding out in front of her. "Kate, I need you to take the tablet and get some sleep now," Rick stated as she shut her eyes for a moment. "I won't leave you Kate. I will sit here all night if I have too but you need to sleep."

"I don't want to see it Rick, I don't want to think about it," she whispered as he sighed, watching as she finally took hold of the tablet and slowly put it into her mouth. Swallowing it, Kate slowly relaxed back against the cushions while the writer found her hand and stared at her in silence as she squeezed it in response. "Thank you."

"What for?" Rick questioned as she shut her eyes.

"For being my friend, for looking after me," Kate responded quietly as she slowly began to fall asleep, guilt covering his face as her eyes slowly began to shut. She was in so much pain at learning the truth and he didn't want to imagine what it would be like when she learnt the truth about how much he'd known all along.

XOOXOXOXOXXOOXO

"Detective Ryan, Detective Esposito," Alexis greeted as she opened the door to the two nervous detectives who smiled at her before entering the loft. "They're in the spare room," she stated as they nodded, both thanking her before disappearing up the stairs in search of their colleague. They'd been to the Castle residence enough now to know where the spare room was! Stepping inside the room, Ryan and Esposito both stared at the sleeping brunette and the exhausted writer who was sitting beside her.

"So she remembers?" Esposito asked quickly as Rick nodded. "You didn't tell her?"

"No, she was screaming last night. It all came back to her in the nightmare but she remembers everything that happened," Rick explained as the two men nodded. "I had to give her a sleeping pill just to get her to relax last night," he stated. "I've never seen someone so scared, she was shaking so much and she was sick. She was terrified."

"Castle you should have taken her to the hospital," Ryan observed as Rick shook his head before squeezing Kate's hand in an attempt to wake her up.

"Kate, Ryan and Esposito are here to talk to you about last night," Rick stated as she slowly opened her eyes and stared at the three men who were watching her. "Hi," he said quietly as she smiled weakly.

"Hello," Kate whispered before sitting up slowly and staring at the two detectives. "Let's get this over with," she muttered as they nodded and sat down in the two chairs in the room, watching as Kate glanced down at her lap. "I was attacked first," she said nervously. "They hit me around the head and I was unconscious for a while," Kate explained as Rick continued to hold onto her hand, occasionally squeezing it as she began to cry again. "When I came round, they'd stabbed my mom. I watched her bleed to death. They were going to stab me but something stopped them and they knocked me around the head again," Kate blurted out, her body shaking again as Rick turned to face his two colleagues.

"Have you got everything you need?" Rick asked as they stared at him before nodding, forcing smiles onto their face as Kate fell back against the blankets and turned her head away from them.

"Castle, can we talk outside for a moment?" Esposito asked as he stood up, Kevin doing the same.

"Thank you Miss Beckett," Ryan said quietly before the two detectives walked out of the room.

"I'll be back in a minute," Rick explained as Kate remained still, the writer quickly leaving the room to find the two men waiting for him in the corridor. "What?" he asked.

"She needs to go back to the hospital," Kevin said quickly as Rick glanced back towards the door Kate was hiding behind. "She's not well Castle, I don't think she looked that ill when she woke up," he observed as Rick sighed, knowing that Kevin was right. Kate was sick, anyone could see that and it was mainly because of the shock.

"She doesn't want to go to the hospital; she doesn't like being on her own there. For god's sake she just found out her mother died, I can't leave her on her own. She doesn't have anyone else," Rick responded as the two men sighed.

"You're getting too involved with her Castle," Esposito immediately responded.

"What am I supposed to do? Just leave her? She's terrified, she's just learnt that her mother is dead and all she can remember is watching her mother bleed to death. She blames herself for her death," Rick replied, clearly angry at what the detective had just said. "I'm not leaving her. She trusts me and I won't just abandon her."

"She trusts you?" Javier laughed. "Castle this whole thing is based on a lie. You're investigating her mother's murder; you have been this whole time. You've been lying to her since the moment she woke up. This whole relationship is based on a lie and you think she can trust you," his voice almost shouted as Ryan groaned, knowing that Javier was angry at Castle's behaviour.

"I won't leave her, I won't leave her on her own because I'm the only person she has," Rick stated, his determination obvious as he moved towards the door. "You can show yourselves out?" he asked as Ryan slowly nodded.

"Take her back to the hospital, get her checked over," Ryan ordered as Rick smiled in agreement, watching as the two men disappeared down the stairs. Returning into the bedroom, Rick stood in the doorway and observed the still brunette for a moment before he approached the bed and sat down beside her.

"It's time to go back to the hospital," he said quietly as she shook her head. She couldn't go back. She didn't want to be on her own. They wouldn't let him stay with her! "The doctor needs to check you over Kate, you're not well. You haven't eaten anything," he explained as she remained silent. "You're in shock Kate."

"They won't let you stay," Kate said quietly as he brushed hair away from her face. "They were angry last night when you called saying that I was going to stay here and they won't be happy that I made you keep me here when I started to remember," she explained as he watched her for a moment.

"Kate I won't leave you," he insisted before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead as she remained still.

XOOXOXOXXOXOXO

"Mr Castle," the Doctor called out as Rick raised his head from his hands and stared at the older man who was hovering in the doorway. "You can go and see her now," he stated as Rick stood up and nodded. He'd brought Kate back to the hospital two hours ago and the doctor had quickly appeared, demanding that he wait in the relative's room while they ran some tests and Kate had been rushed away before he got the chance to argue. "We had to sedate her," the doctor explained as they walked down the corridor towards her room.

"Why?" Rick asked, looking up at the other man in shock. Why had they felt the need to do that?

"She was extremely emotional and kept fighting us whenever we attempted to run tests, it was necessary in order to find out if there was anything wrong with her. It's beginning to wear off now however but she should try and get some sleep," he explained before opening the door to Kate's room. "Come and find us if there are any more problems Mr Castle. We're trained to deal with this, you however are not a Doctor," he stated before walking away just as Rick slowly stepped inside the room to see Kate lying in the middle of the bed with her eyes shut.

"Kate," Rick called over, not surprised when there wasn't any response. "I'm sorry Kate, I'm so sorry," he muttered as he sat down on the edge of the bed and found her hands, her eyes slowly opening to stare at him. "Hey," he whispered, forcing a smile onto his face as she glanced at him before looking away. "Kate?" he asked quietly.

"How long have you known?" she asked as confusion covered his face.

"Known about what?" he questioned as she glared back at him, anger covering her face as she snatched her hands away from his. She didn't want him to touch her! She didn't want him anywhere near her!

"How long have you known about my mother?"

**I really hate this chapter; I think it's one of the worst I've ever written!**

**I tried many different ways of her finding out but this was the best one but I still don't like it but hopefully you do. There will be an explanation for how Kate worked it out in the next chapter, if I decide to keep this one of course, so please review with your opinions. **


	7. Admissions

"Rick, how long have you known about my mom?" she asked quickly as he shut his eyes, her head shaking as she waited desperately for an answer. She needed to know the truth, she needed to know what was going on and he hated that he was going to hurt her even more by telling her the truth! "When did you find out?" Kate questioned, her voice getting angrier as she was forced to wait for a response. "Tell me truth, I'm fed up with everyone lying to me and treating me like I'm a child. You could at least be honest with me now," Kate shouted as he slowly reached across and found her hand, unable to stop himself from holding onto it as she bit into her lip nervously, waiting to learn the truth. He was the only friend she had and part of her didn't want the answer! Part of her wanted to pretend that he'd never known and that they could go back to the way they'd been before she'd remembered everything and worked it all out. "Rick."

"From the start," he stated as she shut her eyes and snatched her hand back from him before shaking her head. He couldn't have! He wouldn't have lied to her that much! He was her friend, they were close. He'd visited her every day, they'd shared coffees and dinners and he let her believe that she could rely on him! "Kate," he said quietly. "I wanted to tell you, I wanted to tell you the day we walked in to visit you but I couldn't. Your doctor said we couldn't tell you because it might disrupt your progress," he explained as she remained silent. "I couldn't just leave you here Kate. You were just a bit older than my daughter when you were attacked and I was worried about you. Esposito told me about your dad and you were so scared, I couldn't just leave you on your own and I convinced myself that the doctor was right about keeping things secret."

"Leave me alone," Kate begged as he stood up and moved towards the door, knowing that she was right about sending him away. He deserved it! He'd betrayed her! "You were the only person I had Rick. I trusted you and you were lying to me this whole time," she mumbled, her eyes slowly shutting as she fell back against the cushions and pretended he wasn't there. "I don't want to see you again, please leave Mr Castle," she whispered, her voice barely louder than a whisper as he nodded and slowly walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him before he breathed out loudly, hating himself.

XOXOXXOXOXO

"Dad, how's Kate?" Alexis asked as her father entered the loft and slouched onto the couch, his eyes shutting for a moment as his daughter stared at him. She knew something that happened. She'd heard Kate screaming and had woken her father up to try and make the brunette happy again, she'd invited the detective's into their home so they could talk, she'd watched from the stairs as her father had slowly led the brunette out of the apartment with his arms tightly wrapped around her shaking figure. "Dad is Kate okay?" she questioned again as he shook his head slowly, not knowing what else to say to his daughter. "Dad, what's going on?"

"Kate remembers about her mom," Rick said quietly as Alexis nodded slowly, watching as his eyes slowly opened. "And she worked out that I'd known about her mom's murder the whole time," he added, sighing when his daughter curled up into his side and tightly wrapped her arms around his chest. "She doesn't want to see me again and I don't know what to do because I can't just leave her in hospital on her own and her father isn't exactly around at the moment. I haven't seen him since that first day in the hospital," he declared as Alexis shut her eyes slowly. "I should have been honest with her Alexis; I shouldn't have listened to her doctor and told her the truth."

"The doctor has the medical degree dad, he knows what he's talking about," Alexis said, desperate to calm her frustrated father. "I'm sure she'll forgive you dad, she's just upset," she said quietly as he shrugged, knowing that it was unlikely that the younger woman would forgive him for what he'd done. He'd lied about her mother, he'd lied and gave her the hope that she might get her mother back one day. "Why don't you get some rest dad?" Alexis suggested.

"I'm fine," Rick stated.

"You didn't sleep last night and you've been looking after Kate for weeks dad," Alexis declared as her father groaned, knowing that his daughter was right. "Go and get some sleep, you look exhausted."

"Wake me up in a couple of hours, I'll cook dinner pumpkin," he sighed, moving off the couch as Alexis nodded and watched him disappear in the direction of her bedroom. She knew he probably wouldn't sleep, he'd just sit in his bedroom and think about everything he'd done, making himself feel even more guilty.

**This is a stupidly small chapter and I don't expect many reviews because of it. I basically decided to finish what had happened in the last chapter within this one as I found it too difficult to think of anything major to write and then in the next chapter we can start to deal with the consequences of what has happened.**

**Anyway please review, I love hearing from you and I want to know whether you're still interested in the story. Any ideas you may have are welcome as well. **


	8. Mother's Wisdom

She was going to do it! She wasn't going to spend the rest of her life sat in a hospital bed. Glancing around the empty room, Kate sighed to herself at the emptiness before swinging her legs off the bed and biting into her lip. She could do this! She could walk, she'd been healthy before the accident and she wasn't going to wallow around like she'd done for the last five days since she'd remembered and learnt the truth about the writer. Forcing herself onto her feet, Kate rested her hand on the nearby cabinet before smiling. She was standing on her own, she could this! She was going to do this! Slowly moving her foot forward, Kate stared down at her feet before she moved the other foot forward. She was going to walk!

"Come on Beckett, you can do this," she hissed to herself as she continued to force herself to walk forward, a laugh leaving her lips when she realised what she was doing. She was wobbly and she knew she couldn't stay up for long but she was doing it. Reaching the other side of the small room, the brunette sighed as she fell against the wall and breathed out in exhaustion. "Come on Kate, you have to get back into the bed," she insisted, using the wall to help herself turn around before she slowly began to approach the bed again, knowing that the door was slowly opening. Falling onto it, Kate smiled to herself before looking across to see an older redhead standing in the doorway. "You're not a nurse," Kate quickly observed as the woman shook her head.

"No, my name's Martha Rodgers," she stated as Kate shut her eyes, knowing that name. "From that expression, I'm going to guess that you already know that I'm Richard's mother," she sighed as Kate nodded slowly, opening her eyes to look at the woman. "I'm not here to try and persuade you to talk to my son; I was just worried about you. Both my son and granddaughter are worried about you and I guess I'm here because they can't be," she stated as Kate nodded. "Can I come in?" she asked as Kate nodded again, not knowing what to say. "I saw you walking."

"It wasn't brilliant," Kate muttered.

"It's still something, its progress," Martha commented as Kate nodded, unable to stop herself from smiling. She'd been alone for five days; she was enjoying having some company. "How are you darling? I'm sure it's all been a big shock to you," Martha stated as Kate bit into her lip and nodded, unable to stop herself from crying at the fact that her mother was dead. "Do you want a hug?" she asked, not knowing what else to do as the woman sat crying on the small bed. She looked tiny, her body like a skeleton and it shocked her to see how shaky she was. "Miss Beckett," she said quietly, not knowing what else to say.

"Please call me Kate," the brunette sobbed as Martha smiled weakly.

"Kate," Martha said as Kate glanced across at her in tears, taking in the brightly dressed woman.

"Can I have that hug?" Kate asked as Martha nodded and moved to sit on the bed slowly, her arms wrapping tightly around the sobbing who she was holding. "I can't believe she's gone," Kate sobbed as Martha continued to hold her, understanding now why her son had felt so bad for the younger woman. "I keep thinking that it's all been a bad dream and she'll come through the door apologising for being late," Kate admitted. "And I even know I'm being stupid thinking that."

"It's not stupid," Martha promised as she held Kate close. "It's scary and I can't imagine what it was like to have witnessed that," she admitted as Kate shook her head, not wanting to think about her mother bleeding to death in front of her! "But you can't keep punishing yourself," she quickly added as Kate glanced up at her. "You've not been eating," she stated.

"How?" Kate asked as the redhead sighed before removing her arms from the brunette who slowly relaxed back and stared at her. "Did the nurse tell you?" she asked as Martha looked at how skinny the young woman was.

"I heard the nurse talking to the doctor actually, I've always been nosy," she admitted, unable to stop herself from beaming when a small smile covered Kate's face for a second. "You're punishing yourself Kate and it's not good for you."

"It's my fault she's dead, I should have helped her," Kate responded as Martha shook her head.

"Kate according to what my sons told me you were already injured and there were two men, you were a teenager and you were probably terrified. You couldn't have saved her without getting yourself killed," Martha declared as Kate shut her eyes, not wanting to think about that night. "Your mother wouldn't have wanted you to die trying to save her Kate, she'd be happy to know that you're alive."

"Alive? I've spent the last twelve years in a hospital bed," Kate sighed as Martha continued to watch her nervously, not wanting to upset her more. "My mother wouldn't be happy about that, about me spending twelve years of my life in bed. She wouldn't even let me lie in on a Sunday," she muttered as Martha laughed.

"No but now you're awake so she'd want you to start living your life. She wouldn't want you to make yourself worse," she declared as Kate bit into her lip. "She'd want you to be strong like you were a minute ago when you were walking, she would want you to take control of your life Kate and make something of yourself."

"I don't have a life Martha. I have no qualifications, no friends and no family. How am I supposed to get a job or start a career?" she questioned as the redhead smiled.

"You fight," Martha stated simply. "You learn to walk again, which you have started. You get out of here, you find yourself something you're interested and you work hard and Kate, you're a lovely person Kate you'll make friends quickly," she explained as Kate bit into her lip for a moment before nodding slowly. "So are you going to eat something?" she asked as Kate slowly nodded, realising that Martha had given her the encouragement she needed.

"When I get out of here, where am I going to go?" Kate said quietly, Martha realising that was one of her major concerns. "They're not going to let me go home with my dad, not with how he is at the moment and I don't want to live with him again. Not when he's continually drunk," she admitted as Martha nodded.

"Richard would let you stay with us," Martha commented as Kate groaned. "I know it's not ideal but it would be a roof over your head."

"He lied to me about my mom," Kate responded.

"He did what he thought was best for you at the time," Martha argued as Kate bit into her lip. "He was stupid and he knows he should have told the doctor where to stick that idea but he thought the doctor knew what was best and he listened. He cares about you and the friendship you built after he promised was based on the truth," she explained.

"But he promised me he was looking into the case. He told me he was looking for her Martha," Kate said quietly.

"And he was. He spent every night looking at her case," Martha explained as shock covered her face, she hadn't known at. "Every single piece of information you gave him he gave to the detective's and he went over your file a million times. Kate he wasn't just stringing you along, he was desperate to tell you, it was driving him insane," she stated as Kate remained silent. "He cares about you Kate and I've never seen anyone look as miserable as my son does at the moment."

"He's working on her case," Kate said quietly as Martha nodded.

"Never stops working your case Kate," the redhead muttered as Kate shut her eyes for a moment. "I know I said I wasn't here to plead Richard's case…" she began.

"But you're his mother," Kate commented quickly as she opened her eyes just in time to see Martha shrugging. "How on Earth does he cope with you and Alexis bossing him around?" she asked as Martha laughed. "Two strong women in his life," Kate yawned as Martha nodded, watching as Kate began to relax.

"Richard really does care about you and I think there's a small part of you that cares about him," she admitted as Kate looked at her in shock while Martha's smile grew, knowing that she'd hit a nerve now.

"I don't know what to do," Kate admitted. "I can't forgive him for what he did but part of me is desperate to just have him back because he's my friend and he means the world to me," Kate sighed as Martha watched her shake her head. "I can't just let him back into my life can I?" she questioned.

"You can do whatever you want with your life. I can't tell you what you can and can't do," Martha smiled before glancing down at her watch. "I need to go darling, are you going to be okay?" she asked quickly.

"I'm going to be fine," Kate smiled as Martha stood up and smiled down at the younger woman.

"Think about it Kate," Martha whispered as she hugged the brunette. "And eat a proper meal tonight, I'll be calling the doctor tonight to make sure," she explained as Kate laughed, moving away as Martha slowly walked towards the door. "You can do anything with your life Kate; you just have to start believing in yourself."

"You'll come and visit again?" Kate asked as Martha turned to look at her.

"Of course I will, I'll bring Alexis next time hopefully. If you'd like that?" she declared as Kate smiled and nodded, saying goodbye before Martha disappeared out of the room as quickly as she'd arrived.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Where have you been today?" Rick asked as his mother entered the apartment and approached the couch which he was currently lying across. He'd clearly gone out because he wasn't in his pyjamas but he looked exhausted like he hadn't been sleeping. "Mother you left early and you've only just got back, you never go out before midday unless it's something important."

"I actually went to the hospital," Martha admitted as worry covered his face.

"Are you okay mother?" Rick asked as she nodded and laughed while her son remained in confusion. "Why were you at the hospital then?" he asked.

"I went to visit Kate Beckett actually," she declared, smiling when he sat up in shock.

"How is she? Is she doing okay?" he immediately blurted out as he patted the space beside him, his mother slowly moving to sit down beside him. "Come on mom, is she okay? Is she really angry about it? Is she coping with the news?" he asked, Martha smiling at his obvious concern for the young woman. "Mother," he moaned.

"She's fine. When I turned up she was actually walking on her own," Martha smiled as a small smile covered his face. "She hasn't been eating Richard but I've convinced her to eat something and I think she's starting to realise that she needs to get on with her lie," the redhead explained, a laugh leaving her lips when her son tightly wrapped his arms around her. "She's doing okay Rick, so you can stop worrying."

"And she talked to you even though…?" he asked as she nodded.

"She was a bit nervous at the start but I even managed to hug her," Martha smiled as Rick nodded.

"She liked you then. She doesn't let just anyone hug her," Rick sighed before relaxing back and shutting his eyes. "She was walking on her own mother?" he asked quickly as the redhead nodded. "Completely on her own?"

"She did everything on her own Richard. She was still a bit shaky and she fell on the bed in the end but she made it across the room and back," Martha explained as he stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. "She's grieving at the moment but she's going to be okay Richard. I think she's starting to realise that she needs to start taking control of her life," the redhead admitted as Rick nodded, both of them falling silent when the phone started to ring. "I am going to get ready for my date this evening," she explained before disappearing upstairs while Rick reached across for the cell phone to silence it.

"Hello," he smiled, unable to get over the fact that Kate was starting to walk by herself.

"Mr Castle," a familiar voice stated as he remained still. "It's Kate, Kate Beckett."

**I don't know why I decided to have Martha visit Kate but that's what my brain wanted to do. I hope you like this chapter. I originally wasn't going to have Kate talk to him this quickly but I couldn't really write a long separation because she's basically stuck in a hospital room and that would be boring to read. They still have a long way to go though before they're back to Caskett normal in this story. **

**Anyway please review, I love hearing from you and it literally makes my day so much better!**


	9. Conversations

**I was originally going to carry on from the phone call but I couldn't find anything I liked after I'd written a chapter so I decided to carry on from later in that day. Hopefully you enjoy and review, I love hearing from you and if I'm honest I'm not sure about this chapter but hopefully you enjoy reading it. The next chapter should be longer and Kate will probably be getting out of hospital so that will be exciting and something different. _  
_**

He was nervous. Stupidly nervous and it was annoying him. They'd talked briefly on the phone before she'd asked him to come to the hospital so they could talk properly and here he was, standing in the hospital elevator on his way to see Kate Beckett. He was scared that she would be angry with him or wanting to tell him that she had definitely made up her mind never to see him again. He didn't know what to expect anymore, he just knew that he wanted to see her. He wanted to make sure that his mother hadn't been lying when she'd told him that Kate was okay and was starting to walk. He desperately wanted to see that she was getting better, that she was doing okay. Glancing across at the sign which indicated what floor the lift was currently on, Rick began to tap his foot impatiently before the doors flew open and he walked out and towards the ward he knew so well.

"Mr Castle," a voice suddenly called out as he stepped towards Kate's room, the writer stopping to see the doctor slowly approaching him. "Do you really think that's a good idea?" he asked quickly as Rick stared at him in silence for a moment. "Miss Beckett doesn't need anymore drama. She needs to relax and recover and we don't need another episode like the last time you visited," he blurted out, the writer quickly opening his mouth to respond. He was angry! How dare this man think he can tell him what to do? He hadn't talked to Kate, he probably didn't know that Kate wanted to see him, that she wanted to talk to him. "Mr Castle, I think you should leave before you make the situation worse."

"Well..." Rick began.

"Mr Castle," a voice suddenly blurted out, the writer quickly turning his head to see Kate standing in the doorway of her room. She looked exhausted, her hand resting against the door frame to steady herself as she glanced at the two men. "Come in," she said quietly, watching as Rick smirked at the other man before silently entering the room, stopping when he heard Kate suddenly talk. "You're my doctor, you're in charge of my health and my recovery. You do not get to choose who can visit me," the brunette quickly stated as Rick smiled to himself. "And you're not really that great at looking after my health either," she added quickly before stepping back into her room and slamming the door in frustration.

"Kate," Rick said quietly as she turned slowly and breathed out, clearly exhausted as he remained still. He wasn't going to force her to let him help her, even though he was desperate too. "Do you want some help?" he asked as she nodded, smiling weakly when his hand rested on the small of her back and slowly led her back to the security of her hospital bed. Sitting down on the bed, Kate sighed before relaxing back and glancing across at the nervous writer.

"Sit down," she said quietly as he nodded and sat down in his usual chair that was still close to her bed.

"Mother said you were walking," Rick commented, remembering how amazing it had been to see Kate standing in the doorway without any support. "You're doing really well."

"I couldn't make it back from the door without help though," she responded as he sighed, knowing that Kate would never feel happy until she was herself again. "But it's nice to be able to move around without having to ask someone for help," she admitted as he nodded, the two of them slowly falling into an awkward silence.

"Look Kate..." he began before she shook her head and silenced him with the action.

"I asked you here because I didn't think the conversation I want to have was suitable for the phone," she admitted as he nodded slowly, trying to understand what she was saying. "I wanted to talk to you about everything," she said quietly as he remained silent, not wanting to disturb her in fear of being sent away from her again. "Your mom said you were working the case?" Kate commented as he nodded, not knowing what else to say. "I want to know everything, I can't do with the lies anymore. I want to know the truth about everything."

"Are you sure?" he asked nervously.

"I can't get better if I don't know everything that happened while I was in a coma. Are there any suspects? Are you any closer to finding her killer Rick?" she begged, her voice sounding like a scared child as he nodded slowly. She wanted the truth, he'd give her the truth. "Please don't lie to me anymore, I need to know."

"A woman found you, she called the police," Rick stated as Kate rested back against the pillows and shut her eyes. She couldn't look at him and hear this. She needed to think. "They found you Kate and you were rushed to hospital where it was declared you were in a coma, you're mom was already dead when they reached the scene," Rick admitted as he heard Kate sob loudly. He wanted to comfort her, he wanted to hold her hand and make everything better but he couldn't. He couldn't sugar coat everything and make it seem like they were getting somewhere with the Beckett case because they weren't really and she needed to know that, she wanted to know that. "Raglan, the Detective in charge of the case went to your house and waited for your dad who arrived around half an hour later because he'd been waiting for you in a nearby restaurant."

"We were going out for dinner, I was back from college and we were going to just have some proper family time without work getting in the way," Kate sobbed as Rick shut his eyes for a moment.

"Your dad came to the hospital and visited you and then he identified your mom," Rick narrated, hating himself for making Kate think about everything. "They investigated the case for a while Kate and then they put it down to gang violence," he explained, not surprised when the brunette's eyes quickly opened.

"But it wasn't, Rick it wasn't," she blurted out as he nodded, knowing that she was right. "They knew who we were Rick, they knew mom's name. It wasn't random," she stated angrily as he reached across and grabbed her hand, stopping the brunette who quickly glanced down at their linked hands. "And no one has looked at the case since?" she asked quietly before glancing up at him as he sighed and let go of her hand.

"It's complicated Kate," he admitted.

"Complicated how? My mother was murdered and no one found her killer. The case was too difficult or too much hassle and they gave up on her Rick, they just let her murderer walk free," she sobbed as he nodded slowly, knowing that she was right. Not enough had been done but they were changing that, they were changing that now.

"My Captain, well the Captain of the two detective's I follow at the NYPD has been looking into her case every year Kate, trying to find a new lead," he stated, trying to make it seem like someone else cared about her case. "Esposito has been talking to your dad for years about the case, Ryan and Esposito have been working on it whenever they're free but it's a difficult case. There was no evidence, nothing that would explain why someone would want to murder your mom and then there was you," he stated.

"Me?" she asked quietly.

"They were all waiting to see whether you would wake up. You were there Kate, you could provide evidence for the case," he explained as she nodded slowly, understanding what he was saying. "And you've given so much information Kate that we didn't have, you're helping everyone," he stated as she bit into her lip, trying desperately to stop herself from crying again. "I know you want them found Kate but we have to have the proper evidence and we will find them one day."

"And you? How are you helping?" she asked quietly.

"I've been looking over the case. I'm a fresh pair of eyes on it Kate, I can give different views to the others," he explained, justifying his role as Kate nodded again, not knowing what to say. "I could do something extra to help, if that's what you wanted of course," he said quietly as she locked eyes with him, suddenly desperate to know. "I have a friend, an ME who could look at the case file. Another pair of eyes on the case Kate, something might have been missed the first time round," he suggested as she remained silent. Could she do that? Could she let someone else in on the case? Nodding slowly, Kate looked at the writer who was staring at her nervously.

"Let your friend look at the case," she said quietly before shutting her eyes, trying to process everything he'd just told her. "Thank you," she said quietly.

"For what?"

"For telling me the truth," she responded as he shook his head.

"I should have told you from the start so don't thank me," he declared as she opened her eyes and turned her head to face him. "If I'd told you from the start I probably wouldn't have lost one of the greatest friends I've ever had," he admitted as she bit into her lip nervously before reaching across for his hand, her fingers tightening around it as she smiled weakly at the man who was sitting beside her. "Kate," he said quietly.

"I can't forgive you for lying," she admitted as he nodded slowly. "But you're the only friend I have and I want us to try again," she stated as he nodded before standing up. "Where are you going?" she blurted out as he smiled and disappeared out of the room, confusion covering her face when there was a knock at the door and he re-entered the hospital room. "What are you?" she began before laughing when he held his hand out towards her.

"Miss Beckett, my name is Richard Castle and I'm working with the NYPD on your mother's case," he stated as she smiled weakly and shook his hand before they both laughed for a second.

"It'll take a while Rick," she said quietly as he nodded, knowing exactly what she was talking about. She needed to learn to trust him again and he was going to be there as much or as little as she wanted and needed. "But I don't want to lose you," she admitted as he moved closer, surprised when her arms tightly wrapped around his body and she buried her face into his t-shirt. "I can't lose you too."

"No more lies," he whispered into her hair as she began to sob in his hold. "No more trying to protect you Kate, you're so strong you can do this," he whispered, not wanting to let her go as she continued to cry.


	10. The Green Eyed Monster

**There's been a time gap between the last chapter and this one because I wanted to start getting a move on with the story. **

"Kate," Alexis smiled as the door to the loft opened and Kate nervously stepped in, followed by the beaming writer who watched as his daughter tightly wrapped her arms around the brunette. "I'm so glad you agreed to stay here," Alexis admitted, moving away slowly as Kate nodded in agreement, smiling when Martha walked towards her and wrapped her arms around her as well.

"Hello darling," Martha whispered into her hair as Kate buried her face into the older woman's shoulder. "You're looking so much better," the redhead commented, Kate smiling at the woman's honesty. Martha had given her the courage to call Rick; she'd given the kick of realisation that she'd needed to get on with her life when she'd been miserable and lost.

"Thank you," Kate replied as the redhead nodded and finally let the younger woman out of her hold.

"We sorted out the bedroom for you Kate. It should be pretty comfortable but if you want anything else just ask," the teenager explained as she glanced across in the direction of her father's bedroom. Rick had agreed that Kate should have the downstairs master bedroom as her mobility still wasn't brilliant and he didn't want her to have to tackle the stairs throughout the day.

"Thanks," Kate said quietly before turning to look at the writer who was holding onto the bag of her possessions from the hospital. The doctor had visited earlier in the week, informing her that she was healthy enough to return home as long as she made fortnightly check-ups so they could monitor her progress and Rick had immediately agreed to her staying with him when the doctor had added that she shouldn't live alone. "Thank you for letting me stay," Kate smiled as he nodded, carrying her stuff towards his bedroom as she followed silently. "Are you sure it's okay? I don't want to get in the way," Kate asked when they entered his office and were away from his family.

"Kate I want you here, Alexis and mother want you here. You are welcome here as long as you want and you will never be in the way," he stated as she remained silent. "I know I've done some things in the past that have hurt you and I'll never forgive myself but I want to look after you, all of us do and we want to help you get better," he insisted before holding his hand out towards her. "Come on Miss Beckett, let's get you settled," he declared, smiling when she took hold of his hand and slowly followed him towards the bedroom. Stepping into the room, Kate smiled at the bedroom before she sat down on the bed and watched as Rick rested her bag on the bed. "I could help you unpack if you want," he said quietly.

"There's not much too unpack," she said quietly as she glanced at the barely filled bag. "Twelve years of my life and that's all I've got," she declared before shaking her head, determined not to cry again! She was getting on with her life, she was going to do something now and make sure that the last twelve years weren't the only thing she could discuss about her life. "I was wondering Rick," she began when the writer opened her bag and started to remove various t-shirts and pants.

"Yes," he replied, glancing across at her briefly while she bit into her bottom lip.

"I want to go to my father's apartment soon, I want to see whether he's still got some of my things," she said quietly, scared that he'd tell her that she wasn't ready and should wait a bit longer. She was fed up with waiting! She wanted to start doing things. "I want to see whether he's okay too," she added, knowing that deep down she was still concerned about her father. She hadn't seen him since the first time when she'd woken up and neither she nor Rick had heard from him! He was her father and in some ways he'd abandoned her.

"We could go this afternoon if you'd like too, I could get the address off Esposito," Rick responded, her smile growing as she nodded and reached across for some of the clothes that he'd removed from the bag. "I'm sure he's okay Kate."

"I know," she sighed, carrying her clothes towards the chest of drawers. "I just wish he was here Rick, I miss him."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"He hasn't moved," Kate said quietly as she glanced at the door to her childhood home, Rick's arm wrapped around hers to support her as she stood in shock. "I thought he'd move or something. I didn't think he'd stay here," she explained quickly, her head shaking as she moved forwards and took out her old house keys. They'd been in evidence for the last twelve years but Esposito had agreed to return them to their rightful owner and had also informed them that Jim hadn't changed the locks or anything about the apartment since the death of his wife. Stepping inside, Kate immediately heard the sound of bottles being knocked over by the swinging of the door before she glanced down and stared at the collection of empty alcohol bottles that was forming on the floor.

"Kate," Rick said quietly, desperate to comfort her as she shook her head and moved towards what had been her bedroom. "Kate are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked as she nodded, pushing the bedroom door open before she stepped inside.

"It hasn't changed," the brunette commented, Rick following her inside to see the untouched room. The room had been cleaned, the only room it seemed in the whole apartment to have been it seemed to Rick, but nothing was changed. The bed was made, clothes were hanging in her wardrobe and books and work littered her tiny desk. "I used to lock myself away for hours in here," she said quietly as she brushed her fingers across a piece of paper that was covered in her college work. "I was trying to work, spend time with my family and earn money that holiday! I never seemed to get the balance right and that's why we went to dinner, to spend time together," she admitted as tears filled her eyes. "I thought I was going to come home that night, I thought we would come home and I would go back to college and get my degree," she sobbed, finally breaking down as Rick moved towards her and wrapped his arms around her tiny figure. "She shouldn't have died. We shouldn't have even been there Rick, we should have been at dinner with my dad."

"No one could have seen this Kate," he soothed, brushing his fingers through her hair as she began to calm down slowly. "And it wasn't your fault Katie. You can sit here and think about if you'd been faster or if you'd done something different but it wasn't your fault. You didn't kill your mom or hurt yourself or make your dad an alcoholic, some bastard somewhere did."

"Katie?" she asked quietly.

"Sorry," he immediately responded as she shook her head, a small smile covering her face when she looked up at him.

"My parents used to call me Katie," she admitted as he nodded, remaining silent. He didn't want to say something that would upset her. "I like it when you call me it," she said shyly, the writer nodding as he tightened his hold of her and felt her bury her forehead against his chest. "Will you help me pack some things?" she asked quietly as he nodded, not quite ready to let go of her yet. He wanted to hold onto her forever, he wanted to keep her safe in his arms and not let anyone hurt her again. "We should probably…" she began as he nodded, stepping away from her before they both laughed nervously at the situation.

"Tell me what you want to pack then Kate," he declared, staring at the bedroom around him that provided him with an even deeper insight into Katherine Beckett. "You're a big reader," he commented like he didn't already know it, observing all the books that covered practically every surface.

"Always have been, everyone in my family is," she admitted. "Mom was a massive fan of your books, she kept telling me to try them and I kept telling her I wasn't interested. I'm annoyed at myself now for not giving them a try because we'd have had the chance to discuss something else. I think she thought I wasn't interested in her anymore when I went to college. I was too busy trying to impress boys and make friends, I wanted to be cool and I just stopped talking to her."

"Kate," Rick sighed.

"What if she thought I didn't love her when she died?" Kate asked, the writer hating himself for agreeing to bring her here. She needed longer! They'd expected Jim to be in a new apartment and her stuff to be boxed up; they hadn't planned for her father to still be occupying her family home with all the memories still fresh. Jim was living in the past and now Kate was going back too and he hated himself for being the one to bring her here.

"Maybe we should go," Rick suggested, not surprised when Kate shook her head at his idea. "Kate, I am not going to be the reason you end up in hospital. You're not ready for this yet."

"Stop trying to protect me," Kate begged as she turned to face him. "I need to do this, I need to start getting control of my life so please just let me do this and help me pack."

"I'm just trying to look after you Kate," he said quietly, a small smile gracing her face as she moved towards him again.

"I know you are and I appreciate it, it's just I'm an independent person and I want to start moving on from this. I need to get on with my life. I need to get better and find a job and perhaps even start looking for a relationship, I can't just stop because of one terrible thing that happened to me," she explained as he nodded, understanding her desperation. "Just be here when I need you to support me. Be here to pull me back when I do go too far, just don't stop me from trying Rick," she begged as he sighed and nodded in agreement, knowing that that was his role. He was her friend; he was here to support her. He couldn't control what she did, he just had to support her choices and be there in case something went wrong.

"Why don't we go out tonight?" he suggested as her eyebrows rose. "You must be bored of being inside all the time and you can walk more now, let's go out somewhere."

"Like where?" she asked as he shrugged.

"We could go to dinner or go for some drinks, whatever you'd like to do," he smiled.

"Drinks," she immediately answered as he laughed. "I've never been legally allowed to buy my own drinks before," she smirked as he shook his head at her comment before they both laughed. "Make sure I don't drink a stupid amount though, I can't walk normally sober at the moment. I don't want to imagine what I'd be like drunk."

"Drunk Kate, that does sound fun," he smiled as she glared at him for a moment. "Not that I would let you get drunk of course, not until you're fully recovered."

"Hmm…"

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

"You look wonderful darling," Martha smiled as she stared at the tight black dress the brunette was wearing, a nervous smile covering Kate's face as she sat on the end of the bed. She was exhausted already. She'd showered, got dressed and managed to do a small amount of make-up and now she just wanted to curl up in bed and go to sleep and she hated herself for it. "Tired?" the redhead asked as Kate nodded slowly, watching as Martha shook her head for a second before reaching across for the hairbrush that was waiting beside the brunette. "I'll do your hair darling; you can have a power nap."

"Thank you," Kate said quietly, her eyes shutting when she felt the brush run through her hair. "I'm not going to bore him tonight am I?" Kate asked nervously, unable to stop herself from smiling when Martha laughed at her comment.

"Katherine Beckett my son could never be bored of you," Martha stated as Kate remained silent. "He hangs onto every word you say and if you don't want to drink a lot, don't! Just go and have a nice evening out of a building for the first time in twelve years," she smiled as Kate nodded, smiling when she looked at the two of them in the mirror.

"Thank you for finding me a dress," Kate quickly said, her eyes glancing down at the black material that was tight to her figure. "I don't really own appropriate clothes anymore; I guess I'll be going to the shops soon to find some suitable clothes."

"Well Alexis and I would love to join you, a girly shopping day with Richard's card," Martha smiled as Kate laughed again, enjoying the company of the older woman. "Right, you look perfectly wonderful now darling," the redhead stated, her fingers brushing through Kate's hair as the brunette remained silent. "Have a good time tonight darling, don't do anything I wouldn't do," Martha smiled before climbing off the bed and disappearing out the room. Reaching across for her shoes, Kate sighed as she pulled them on before slowly approaching the door and walking out to see Rick waiting for her.

"You look…" he began before falling silent, not knowing what to say.

"Thank you," Kate quickly replied, not wanting the awkward silence to form as she moved towards him, a laugh leaving her lips when he helped her into her coat and led her towards the door. "You look pretty good too," she added.

"Pretty good?" he asked, her head shaking at him searching for compliments. "Just pretty good?"

"You're lucky you got the pretty," she teased before they walked out of the apartment together.

XXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"I'll go and get the drinks," Kate offered quickly as he nodded nervously, smiling as she removed her coat and glanced around her.

"Are you sure you'll be okay carrying them? I could help," he said quickly, his voice full of concern as she glared at him for a moment. Was he ever going to stop treating her like a child? She did like his concern and it was nice to have someone around who was worried about her but he was starting to get ridiculous. He wanted to help her get in and out of the car and he was continually asking whether she was okay and it was beginning to drive her crazy. In the hospital she'd liked having him around because he treated her like a normal person but now he'd gone crazy with concern.

"Stop babying me Castle, I'm fine," she warned before disappearing in the direction of the bar, the writer watching as she reached the bar and was immediately served by the barman. Sitting down with his eyes still on the brunette, Rick watched as she started to laugh with the man serving her drinks before another man moved to stand next to her, immediately getting her attention. He hadn't ever seen her like this. Laughing and talking with anyone around her and it worried him. Should he go over and make sure that everything was okay?

"Stop it," he hissed to himself. He was Kate's friend and it was his idea to come out and he was glad to see her enjoying herself before she'd even had one drink. Watching as she turned with two drinks in his hand, Rick smiled at her before he noticed the man who was following her towards him. "Kate," Rick declared, forcing the smile to remain on his face when the other man stood beaming beside the younger woman.

"Rick this is Will, Will this is my friend Rick," Kate introduced before passing the writer's drink over to him and sitting down.

"It's nice to meet you," Will immediately grinned, moving to sit down beside the brunette as Rick nodded. Of course it was nice to meet him! He was the one who'd brought the beautiful brunette into the club after all. Was he seriously jealous of this other man? "So Kate what do you do?" he asked, both men noticing the smile disappear from Kate's face as she glanced from Will to Rick and then back to the new man.

"Kate?" Rick asked nervously.

"I'm currently unemployed," Kate immediately blurted out as Will nodded slowly. "But I'm currently looking for another job," she added. It wasn't a lie, even though she didn't really have any idea what sort of job she could do. "What about you? What do you do?" she smiled, Rick falling back into his seat as he watched the interaction between the two of them!

"I'm in law enforcement," he admitted, Kate nodding quickly. "The FBI actually," he admitted, a laugh leaving Rick's lips before both Kate and Will turned to face him.

"Rick?" Kate asked quietly, embarrassed by the way he was behaving.

"I can see why that sounds funny, people say that all the time to sound cool," Will immediately responded as Rick groaned to himself! "Here," Will immediately said, attempting to resolve the situation before digging into his jacket pocket and removing his badge. "Just to prove that I'm not just saying it to impress a beautiful woman," he declared as Kate blushed at his comment while Rick observed. Was Kate seriously flirting with this man?

"That's amazing," Kate admitted as Rick nodded slowly, attempting to become involved in the conversation again. "Rick works with the NYPD actually," Kate quickly smiled as she glanced across at the writer who was staring at her.

"Are you a cop then?" Will asked.

"He just follows them. He's a novelist, he writes the Storm books," Kate blurted out, not giving the writer the chance to speak as Will nodded again, completely enthralled by the woman beside him.

"And why are you friends with a novelist then?" Will smiled at her as Kate shrugged.

"I like interesting people," Kate smiled as Will stared at her.

"Would you say I'm interesting?" he immediately asked, the two of them flirting as Rick immediately brought the glass to his mouth. He was never bringing Kate out drinking again if she was going to attract the attention of every man around them and flirt with the first one who talked to her! It was embarrassing, watching the two of them.

"Well you are an FBI agent," she responded before they both laughed and took a sip of their drinks.

"Do you want to dance?" Will asked as Kate nodded and stood up, smiling across at Rick who was staring at her.

"Be careful," Rick warned.

"Of what? Dancing so much I go into another coma," Kate replied sarcastically before following Will towards the large crowd, unaware that Rick was still watching her.

**I don't know why I decided to bring Will in but I thought it would be interesting especially that the Caskett relationship isn't as strong as it once was because of the whole trust issues and Kate isn't the completely strong woman we know in the show and she has been in a coma since she was 19… **

**I am in Cornwall for the next week so I am really sorry about how terrible my updating has been and will be but I promise to get back to writing this story when I return from my holiday. Please review, I love hearing from you and any ideas you have or would like to see do keep me informed. **


	11. Realization

"Kate," Rick called out as he moved through the crowd of people towards the laughing brunette. He was fed up and he wasn't going to just sit around and watch as Kate flirted and acted like someone he didn't particularly like around this new man who neither of them knew. "Kate," he said again, his voice snapper as she turned her attention away from Will and smiled at him, Will's arms still wrapped around her body from where they'd been dancing. "I'm going home," he stated before turning away and began to move towards the exit, the brunette quickly unravelling herself from Will's arms before she followed him.

"Rick," she shouted, attempting desperately to be heard over the loud music as Rick got closer to the door. Reaching out after a few more steps, Kate grabbed hold of his arm, stopping him from moving away before he turned to face her. "Don't leave yet," she begged, the writer surprised that she was even saying that. She hadn't noticed him for the most of the evening because she was so enthralled by the FBI agent who she'd been wrapped around two seconds ago. "It's still early."

"I didn't come out tonight to watch you make an idiot of yourself," he said simply, her eyebrows rising as he did up his jacket and began to move away again. "I'm going home Kate, make your own way back when you're ready," he declared before walking away again as she remained perfectly still. She wasn't going to let him say that and leave without explaining himself first! Following the writer out of the building, Kate quickly grabbed hold of his arm again, slowly becoming exhausted by the extreme exercise she was doing. She wasn't used to walking, dancing and running all in one evening and it was starting to become too much for her.

"You can't say that Rick and walk away from me," she declared as he stared at her, taking in how angry she looked.

"I can't believe you don't even see how stupid you're being. You're not nineteen years old Kate," he responded before laughing. "You've been throwing yourself at him all evening like a desperate teenager whose excited because he has a badge. You don't even know the man," he argued as she remained silent. "You look desperate and it's embarrassing to watch."

"I'm just having some fun with new people. What did you expect? For me to be only your friend?" she responded, clearly angry by his comments.

"I expected you to act nice to the friends you already have Kate. I brought you out to dinner, I wanted to spend time with you and you just disappeared with the first man who showed interest in you," he shouted quickly, both of them knowing they were starting to draw attention from the people around them. "You're a beautiful woman Kate, do you really think he's interest in getting to know you?" he stated.

"What do you care? It's my life," she declared.

"Yes but look at you, you're flinging yourself at the first man who offers you a drink and a dance. You deserve someone who wants to get to know how amazing you are, you don't need someone in your life who just wants a quick fuck and then leaves you," Rick shouted, breathing out in relief when his car service appeared.

"And what? You want to be this amazing guy in my life? Do you think that because you've been around and have done things to help me that I'm going to want to be with you out of gratitude? Do you think that's what you deserve that? Do you see me as some sort of prize for your behaviour?" she hollered at him, the two of them falling silent as any sense of happiness disappeared from his face. "Rick," she said quietly, immediately regretting what she'd blurted out.

"Come home when you're ready," he declared before looking at the waiting driver. "Can you give her your card please so she can call when she wants to come back? If she wants to come back," he asked quickly, the younger man nodding before he dug out his business card and passed it to the brunette.

"Rick," Kate said quietly.

"I will see you back at the apartment, I'm not talking about this now," Rick said quickly before climbing into the vehicle and shutting the door, not even looking back as Kate stood on the pavement in her tight black dress, unable to stop herself from staring at the vehicle. "Wait," Rick ordered the driver before he undid his window and looked up at the brunette. "You're worth more than one night Kate and I would never just want you for that. You're extraordinary Kate Beckett, I just wish you could see that," he declared before the car pulled away.

XXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Why are you leaving so early? You could come back to mine for a coffee," Will stated as he followed Kate out of the busy building, watching as she type a number into the cell phone she was clinging onto. "Come on Kate, we were having fun. What did he say to upset you?" he asked, grabbing her arm gently as she shook her head and spoke into the phone, asking to be collected before she put it down and turned to face him.

"Will," she said quietly as a large smile covered his face. "I'm going home," she declared, a smile of relief appearing on her face when the car that had taken Rick away reappeared in front of her. Opening the door, Kate climbed into the vehicle before turning to face the man she'd spent most of the evening with who was staring at her from the pavement. Waiting for him to ask for her phone number or to see her again, Kate shook her head before shutting the door and asking the drive off, leaving Will behind on the pavement. Shutting her eyes, Kate quickly ran her fingers through her hair before shaking her head at how stupid she'd been. Will clearly wasn't interested in her, he was interested in having sex with her and then disappearing and she'd had a fight with her only friend over a stupid man! Sitting in complete silence for the journey, Kate quickly glanced up at Rick's building before thanking the driver and climbing out. "You can do it Kate," she said confidently. She could do this! She could talk to Rick about everything he'd said, including those last words before he had disappeared and left her. Walking inside, she quickly approached the elevator before the doors opened and took her up towards his apartment. Stepping out of the metal box, Kate groaned outside the door at the realisation that she didn't have a key to the apartment.

"Darling," a voice called out behind her, Kate turning quickly in the direction to see Martha walking towards her with a large smile covering her face. "Where's Richard?" the redhead questioned, observing the absence of her son, noticing immediately when Kate glanced down the floor, almost ashamed with herself. "What's wrong?" Martha asked, her hand resting on Kate's arm as the brunette shook her head and immediately found herself being pulled into the security of Martha's arms. "Why don't we go inside and talk?"

"Because I'm not ready to admit that Rick was right about everything," she blurted out, clearly upset as Martha sighed and moved away to unlock the front door.

"If Richard's upset about something, he'll have locked himself away in his bedroom and he'll be pretending that he isn't miserable. We'll go in, have a talk and then you can confront my son about whatever he's gotten right," Martha explained before stepping into the apartment, Kate following silently, immediately noticing that Martha was right and Rick was nowhere to be seen.

"Richard darling, I'm home," Martha called out as Kate shut the door behind her.

"I'm writing mother," a voice immediately called from upstairs. He was clearly in the spare bedroom rather than downstairs.

"Let's go into your room," the redhead whispered, leading Kate into what had previously been Rick's study before they entered the bedroom and Martha sat down on the edge of the bed. "Now what's happened between you and Richard? You were all happy when you were left and now you're not even arriving home at the same time," the actress stated as Kate remained standing. "Darling you look exhausted, sit down."

"I…" Kate began before slowly moving to sit down beside the older woman. "I went to get drinks and this guy started talking to me. He seemed nice and he was interested in me and I just liked getting the attention from someone else who didn't know about the case and everything," she explained as Martha nodded slowly. "And I left Rick to go dancing with him. I was horrible to him Martha, I can see that now. I ignored him and I was flaunting this man around, I was flaunting my and acting like a complete desperate idiot," Kate blurted out.

"Darling you're allowed to talk to other men, how are you supposed to meet people?" Martha sighed as Kate shook her head.

"I was there with Rick and I just ignored him and now he is so angry with me. He warned me that Will only wanted to have sex with me and that I was acting like a stupid teenager and that I deserved more than an one night stand and I didn't listen, I accused him wanting to have sex with me instead," Kate explained as Martha sighed and wrapped her arms around the brunette. "I accused him of wanting me to be a prize for everything he'd done."

"Kate, my son cares about you a lot," Martha muttered as she smiled at the younger woman. "He would do anything for you and he may come across as a lady's man in the papers and to some people but he would do anything for family and you're part of that now. He only wants what's best for you," she explained as Kate shut her eyes, embarrassed by her behaviour. "Go and talk to him darling," Martha insisted as Kate remained perfectly still beside her. "It'll be worse if you leave it any longer; you'll both become angrier at yourselves and take it out on each other."

"Okay," Kate finally submitted before standing and moving towards the door.

"Don't worry darling, if you have a screaming match Alexis has gone out with friends for the night and I can always leave," Martha smiled as Kate laughed nervously and stepped out of the room before walking towards the stairs and towards where Rick was working. Knocking on the door in exhaustion, Kate breathed out as she waited for a response.

"Mother you never knock, you just barge in," Rick called from within the room as Kate smiled weakly.

"It's not Martha," she responded, not surprised when the door suddenly opened a few seconds later to reveal a pyjama dressed Rick. "Hello," she said quietly as he smiled weakly at her, moving away from the door to let her into the bedroom. Stepping quietly into the room, Kate slowly moved to sit on the edge of the bed as Rick shut the door and turned to face her, noticing the exhaustion that was covering her face as she attempted to stop herself from yawning.

"Where's Will then?" Rick asked quickly. "I'm amazed you're not with him now, seeing how close you two were when I left," he announced, his voice full of anger as she stared at him for a moment, shocked to see him behaving like this! Who did he think he was? She'd never seen him like this before.

"He wanted me to go home with him but I said no Rick," she admitted as Rick remained silent in the doorway. "Because I'm not desperate and I'm not interested in sex right now and I wanted to sort this out more than anything," she stated as he stayed completely still, making her more angry. Why wouldn't he just deal with the problem? Why wouldn't he respond? "Rick I'm trying to apologise for earlier," she blurted out, the writer looking at her as she sat on the edge of his bed. "I'm sorry for what I did, I'm sorry for abandoning you for the evening but I was trying to get on with my life and start meeting people again."

"Get on with your life or fling yourself at whatever man paid attention to you?" he asked.

"That's not fair Rick," she responded before standing up again.

"What's not fair is taking someone out dancing, someone you want to get close to and get to know better but to find yourself being abandoned by that person because she decides to dance with another man and flirt desperately," Rick explained as she stared at him for a moment. "I wanted to spend an evening with you Kate without the concern of medicine or your mom's case. I wanted to be with _you _tonight_,_" he stated, clearly frustrated as she remained silent. "I wanted to be with just you Kate for one night."

"Oh," she whispered, realisation finally hitting her. "I didn't realise."

"No, you made that quite clear," Rick commented as he slowly moved towards the door, stopping when she grabbed his arm when he moved passed her.

"You said you would take me on a date when I got out of hospital," she remembered, smiling weakly at the conversation. "I didn't realise it was a date, I didn't realise that you wanted that and what I said earlier I didn't mean. I was just angry with you," she blurted out, extremely embarrassed about her earlier actions when she realised what he'd wanted. "Rick please."

"I was the one being stupid. Why would you be interested in me Kate?" he laughed to himself before moving out of her grip and disappearing out of the room, Kate sitting down on the edge of the bed before burying her face in her hands. How could she have been so blind?

**I dislike this chapter but my brain decided to make it more of a filler chapter than a high drama one which I know a lot of people were expecting and the tension will continue for a while until it's dealt with. I don't want to rush them into a relationship and at times I found my brain suggesting that they get together now but I don't think they're ready for that yet in the story and I have more things I want to explore before they enter a relationship. **

**Anyway please review, I love hearing from you and I promise to update quicker next time as I have no more holidays planned now. **


	12. Peace Talks?

"This situation is getting ridiculous now Richard," Martha stated as she stood in her son's bedroom, staring at him as he stood buttoning his shirt up for the event he was going too. "You walked out on her, you were the one who walked out on her when she was trying to apologise. You've made this whole thing worse when it could have been done with practically a week ago and now everyone's walking on eggshells around you two. You don't talk to each other, you barely spend time in the same room now," the redhead stated, clearly frustrated as Rick shut his eyes for a moment. "We can't keep living like this. Alexis doesn't know what to say to either of you and Kate is practically locking herself away because she doesn't know how to act around you."

"I don't know what you want me to do mother," Rick sighed before reaching across for his bow tie, wrapping it around his neck as his mother watched. "She's nervous of being around me now because I told her that I liked her. I should never have told her about how I felt, I should have just kept quiet because now she's nervous and scared to be with me just as a friend," he declared, clearly angry with himself as he attempted to tie the bow tie.

"Come here, you always get it wrong," Martha sighed as he turned around to face her, rolling his eyes when his mother began to do up his bow tie like always. "What time will you be home tonight?" she asked quietly as she completed his bow tie, straightening it from him as he smiled at her.

"Early hours of the morning probably," he muttered as Martha nodded slowly. "I'll try and be quiet when I come in," he stated, knowing that his mother was worried about him disturbing Kate. "Can I ask you something?" he asked as Martha nodded slowly, stepping away from her son as he turned to look in the mirror one more time. "How is she? How's Kate doing?"

"She's okay, not brilliant and she's become extremely withdrawn," Martha explained as Rick shut his eyes for a moment. "She needs some she can bitch to Richard. She's terrified of upsetting Alexis or me if she discusses you so she's keeping everything bottled up," the redhead declared as he nodded, knowing that Kate desperately needed to get out of the apartment. It had been a week since their disagreement and she hadn't left the apartment since. "You need to get her out of the apartment Richard; she needs to talk to people."

"Give me a second," he sighed, Martha watching as her son disappeared out of the room. Walking down the stairs, Rick quickly walked through his office before knocking on his old bedroom's door before waiting for a response. "Kate, it's Rick, can I come in?" he asked quickly.

"Come in Rick," Kate sighed, the writer opening the door to see her sitting on the bed with a book, exhaustion covering her face.

"Hi," Rick said quietly as she smiled weakly at him, not knowing what to say to him. She hadn't really talked to him since he'd admitted that they though their evening out was a date. She didn't know what to say to her, she didn't know how to act around him now that she knew that he liked her in a way that was more than friendship. "Look, I was thinking and I know things between us have been awkward," he began as she bit into her lip. "But you need to get out of this apartment and I have this event tonight so why don't you come with me as my friend?" he asked.

"So you can get angry again when I talk to other people?" she questioned.

"Kate, you were flaunting yourself," he sighed, remembering seeing Will and Kate dance close to each other, their arms tightly wrapped around each other's body.

"Before I even danced with him you were angry at me. When I brought him to our table you were angry at me because I was talking to someone else," Kate declared before shutting her eyes, not wanting to start another argument over this. "I don't think I'll come tonight, we can't seem to manage being civil to each other anymore Rick and I don't want to have a fight again over talking to people."

"For god's sake Kate, I'm trying to sort things out but you don't seem to want that," Rick said in frustration before moving towards the door. "I wanted to get you out of this stupid apartment to meet some people, to live your life but you seem determined to say no to everything," he declared as he opened the door again to leave, Kate staring at him for a moment as he stood in silence. "I know that it's awkward Kate but I just want to try and be friends with you. Like we used to be before I was a jealous idiot that night," he explained before leaving the room, Kate's eyes shutting as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Mother I'm leaving now, I'll see you tomorrow" Rick called out, knowing his daughter was asleep, while Kate remained silent, listening when the front door slammed to indicate Rick's leaving.

XOOXOXOXOXXO

"I thought I'd get to meet Kate Beckett tonight," Lanie commented as she sat down beside the writer, watching as he finished another drink. "What's going on Castle? Javi says the two of you are close, he can't quite believe that you'd leave her alone to come to an event," she asked as Rick sighed and glanced across at the ME. How did Lanie always guess something was wrong? "Tell me, I can give my womanly advice."

"I keep getting womanly advice," he moaned before shutting his eyes. "Kate and I went out last week, I thought it was a date but she clearly didn't," he explained as Lanie groaned, realising already where this was probably going. "She met this man, Will, at the bar and the rest of the evening she spent throwing herself at him and I wasn't going to watch as she made an idiot of herself. She looked desperate Lanie and it was obvious he only wanted to have sex with her and I couldn't watch that happen," he explained.

"So?" she asked.

"We had a fight and I left her there. Gave her the number for the car service and just left her in this club, hoping she'd realised that he was just interested in having sex and not in her," he sighed, opening his eyes to look across the busy room. "I was jealous, I'll admit because I like her Lanie. She's different to anyone else I've ever met and I really thought we were on a date but we had another disagreement when she came back to the apartment and she found out that I liked her and well, we haven't really talked since," he explained as Lanie sighed, her head shaking at the writer as he remained silent. "I tried to get her to come tonight but that started another disagreement because she says I'll be angry if she talks to anyone."

"Why don't I go and visit her tomorrow?" Lanie suggested. "You could go to the precinct, play cops with the boys and I'll talk to Kate. Woman to woman without you around to make her nervous, she might open up to me and at least I'm someone new," she commented as Rick nodded slowly, knowing it was the most logical plan. "Fortunately for you I have the day off, which I was originally going to spend shopping, but I guess I can go and socialise."

"You are a life saver Lanie Parish," Rick smiled before kissing her cheek, Lanie shaking her head as she laughed.

"Richard Castle, you'll make Javi jealous if you keep on doing that," she smiled as Rick glanced across at the detective who was currently deep in conversation with Ryan.

"What can I say? I can't resist gorgeous women," he teased as she rolled her eyes at him before a waiter walked over.

"Oh yes more drinks here," Lanie shouted while Rick shook his head, glad that the ME had offered to go and see Kate.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Stepping into his apartment, Rick quickly removed his jacket before staring at the emptiness around him. Everyone must have gone to bed, he realised before he slowly moved towards the stairs, stopping when he heard sobbing coming from the direction of his office and bedroom. Slowly walking through his office, Rick bit into his lip before gently tapping on the door and opening it to see Kate lying across the bed with her face buried in the pillow while dressed in one of his old t-shirts.

"Kate," he said quietly, shocking her into sitting up and aggressively wiping the tears away with her fists. "Hey you'll hurt yourself," he blurted out, taking hold of her hands to stop her as she stared up at him for a moment. "Come on you," he said quietly, wiping her tears away with his fingers as she bit deep into her lips, causing it to bleed. "Kate," he sighed, staring at the blood as she shook her head.

"I'm fine, I can deal with it. You should go to bed Rick," she blurted out before climbing off the bed and walking towards the en-suite.

"Kate, what's wrong?" he asked, staring at her as she stood in the doorway. "Can we just forget everything just for one night? I don't want you to be on your own and upset Kate," he explained, falling silent as she remained perfectly still before she sighed and turned to face him, clearly emotional and exhausted. "Come on, let's get you into bed and then if you want, you can talk to me or I can disappear Kate. It's your choice," he sighed, stepping towards her before leading her back towards the double bed. Lying down in it, Kate shut her eyes as Rick draped the blanket over her body and stared at her for a moment.

"I don't know whether I can do this," she blurted out, the writer staring at her as she kept her eyes shut, not wanting to look at him. "Rick I don't know whether I can live this life because it doesn't feel like mine anymore," she sobbed as he felt the panic covering her face. "I'm so lonely Rick, especially now and no one from my life is here. My mom's dead, my father's an alcoholic who is god knows where and the only friend I have…" she began before falling silent. "The only friend I had I lost because I made a stupid mistake which I regret more than anything right now," she said quietly, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

"Kate," he whispered as she opened her eyes and stared at him as he watched her. "I was too harsh that night and I should have made it clearer what I thought it was anyway. I was stupid too."

"I was the one who was acting desperate. I was rude to you by ignoring you and I was throwing myself at him, you were right. God Rick, I was acting like a really stupid teenager and I know better than that, my mom taught me to behave better than that," she said angrily, clearly frustrated with herself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry and you must think I'm horrible. I even think I'm horrible," she whispered as he shook his head while she sat up and watched him.

"Kate, I'm not happy with you for the way you acted but in your head I guess you're still nineteen years old and you had alcohol in your system, that can make anyone act like an idiot sometimes," he sighed as she slowly reached across and found his hand. "I wish I'd acted differently instead of just being angry at you immediately. I should have talked to you and tried to explain what was annoying me."

"I guess I should have explained why I was desperate for Will's attention," she sighed before glancing down at his hand that she was clutching onto. "I felt like you were suffocating me and well, I just wanted someone's attention but not because they were worried I'd fall over or was exhausted. He seemed interested and for a while, I guess I enjoyed it," she admitted before yawning, clearly exhausted.

"I'm sorry if you felt like I was suffocating you," he whispered as she relaxed back again and shut her eyes. "I worry about you Kate but I'll try and stop it. You're clearly strong enough now," he smiled as she nodded slowly and shut her eyes again, the writer glancing down at his hand which she was still clutching onto. "Kate," he said quietly.

"Yes," she responded.

"I need my hand back if I'm going to go to bed," he smiled as she slowly let go of his hand, the writer standing when he was free. "Try and get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning," he commented as he watched her curl up into a ball practically in an attempt to get comfortable. "Kate," he said again, a small smile covering her face at the sound of her name.

"Yes," she repeated.

"Can we try again?" he asked as she remained silent for a moment. "I don't want to lose our friendship over one stupid evening where we both made mistakes."

"We can try," she yawned as the writer smiled and silently walked out of the room, smiling to himself as he walked towards the stairs.

**I loathe this chapter. I don't know why but I do. It wasn't what I really planned to write when I started this morning because I think they forgive each other too quickly but this is what the brain wanted and well, I don't usually argue with it. Hopefully you enjoy the chapter and decide to review, your opinions mean a lot to me. **

**I do promise that they won't go back to the Caskett before Will appeared. There is still go be issues to get over and some arguments and I'm sure some other stuff will come up, I might just throw Josh in too just to be really evil, especially if I get really desperate. Anyway, anything you want to see happen, just send me a message (review or PM, I don't mind) and well I'll see if I can fit it in as this story wouldn't be happening if it wasn't for you. **

**Next chapter- Lanie and something else, don't know what yet. **


	13. Lanie Parish

**Please don't hate me for my late updating. I've had a really busy summer and I've had the worst writer's block on the planet so this isn't my favourite chapter, I actually found writing the Lanie/Kate scene impossible so I'm not happy with how it turned out. This chapter has basically gone from being something brilliant that I planned to something very dull to pass the time so I can get moving with the story again. **

"Rick commented that things were difficult between you yesterday," Lanie admitted as she glanced

across at the woman who was sitting opposite her. After quick introductions in the apartment when Lanie had arrived, the two women had agreed to go for a coffee together so Kate could get out of the loft for a while.

"Things were difficult but they're improving finally," Kate said quickly, not knowing what else to say. "We had a talk last night and we had breakfast together this morning for the first time since our fight and it wasn't too awkward," she explained, remembering how Rick had entered her room the previous evening and comforted her. "Things are still slightly difficult between us but they're getting better, we're talking to each other and that's a major improvement," she smiled, her fingers running through her hair as Lanie watched her in silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lanie suggested as Kate shrugged, realising that she finally had someone she could talk too without being scared of offending Rick. She could finally be honest about everything that she was feeling without being worried about what she was saying. "I promise, Rick won't hear about anything you say. Girly chats are completely confidential," she added as Kate laughed and nodded, knowing that she should take this opportunity.

"I feel suffocated in the apartment sometimes," Kate admitted. "This is the first time I've left the loft since our fight and I feel so suffocated sometimes because I see the same people every day. I adore Martha and Alexis and Rick is my best friend, usually, but I need to see more people but I'm scared of seeing more people and offending Rick," she explained as Lanie sighed, knowing that she needed to get everything out of her system. "Rick has been so good to me. He visited me every day while I was in hospital and he's welcomed me into his home and he makes me feel safe even when we were fighting," Kate explained as Lanie smiled weakly.

"You can't spend every day of your life scared that you're going to upset Rick Kate," Lanie said quickly as Kate looked at her for a moment. "You need to start living life. You've just spent twelve years in a coma; you can't just hide away now. You need to get out and meet people, enjoy yourself; you're still young and extremely gorgeous, you can't waste that. Rick isn't in charge of your life Kate, you are," she declared, determination covering her face as Kate looked down at her coffee. "This is your life Kate, don't waste it anymore."

"Don't waste any more of it," Kate said to herself as she continued to stare at the dark liquid.

"Why don't we have a girly night in tomorrow? You, me and Jenny could go out for a meal and then stay at my apartment for the night?" she suggested as Kate nodded quickly, excitement covering her face at the idea of spending an evening with two other women. "I could do with an evening without hearing Javi snore and I'm sure Jenny would love a girly night."

"Jenny?" Kate asked quickly, realising she hadn't heard about this woman before.

"Ryan's fiancée," she explained as Kate smiled, excited to meet all these people who were involved in Rick's life and connected to hers as well through the detectives. "We are all in need of a girly night in anyway; Jenny and I haven't had one in weeks."

"I'd love that," Kate smiled before finishing her coffee and relaxing back in the chair. "I haven't had a girly night in well… twelve years," she joked as Lanie laughed at her before they both relaxed in the small café. "So how long have you and Javi been together?" Kate asked, wanting to talk about something other than her dramatic life.

"On and off for about a year," Lanie replied as Kate nodded. "Being an ME and dating a cop can be difficult as we leave early in the morning sometimes and we don't get home to weird times. We can sometimes go days without seeing each other because of our shifts," she explained as Kate nodded slowly. "But we manage and we have fun."

"He seems nice," Kate admitted, remembering the man who'd been in her hospital room when she'd woken up from her coma. "Although I've hardly ever met him and the only times I've seen him is when I've just woken up or been really upset," she explained as Lanie smiled, amazed at how well Kate was coping with the loss of the last twelve years of her life.

"Was it weird?" Lanie asked quietly as confusion covered Kate's face. "Learning that you've been in a coma for twelve years?"

"It's strange," Kate admitted as Lanie listened silently. "Sometimes I forget that I've lost twelve years and think I'm still nineteen and then I see something that's only recently been invented like Alexis' i-pod and remember everything," she laughed, her fingers playing with her hair as she thought about everything that had happened to her. "Rick was helping me with things that have happened while I've been in a coma but that's stopped since our argument," she explained as Lanie nodded, amazed at how well Kate was coping with everything. "The hardest thing about the whole coma thing was my relationships," she sighed as Lanie remained silent. "I woke up and learnt that my mom was dead, my dad has basically decided to have nothing to do with me and I haven't heard from him since the only time he visited in the hospital and all my friends have moved on and I haven't heard from them."

"You could try and get in touch with them, I'm sure we could find some of them," Lanie suggested as Kate shook her head.

"They'll have moved on. I'm sure most of them will have careers and families now. I won't have anything to talk about with them, they'll just remember the old me before the coma and they'll focus on mom's murder. I don't want that," she explained as Lanie nodded slowly. "I want to start my life again. I've been given this amazing chance, I could have died that night but I didn't and I'm alive and healthy. I want to live my life," Kate stated, feeling for the first time that she was in control of her life.

"So what are you going to do?" Lanie questioned as Kate looked across at the ME.

"I'm going to get my relationship with Rick back to the way it was, I'm going to find a job and I'm not going to spend all my time hiding in the loft like I have been doing," she explained as Lanie nodded, taking in how courageous the brunette was as she finished her coffee and they both stood up.

"How about we go shopping?" Lanie asked as Kate nodded, pulling her jacket on before she left the café with the ME. "I feel like I need a new pair of shoes and I think we should find you a new outfit."

"A new outfit sounds amazing," Kate smiled, following the petit ME towards the shops.

XOOXOXOXXOOXOX

"I'm home," Rick called out as he entered the apartment later that evening, removing his jacket before he shut the door and turned to see Kate standing in the kitchen with a large smile covering her face.

"Hi," Kate said happily as she began to move in the kitchen, pouring a glass of wine for the writer as he entered the kitchen and watched her for a moment. She seemed so much happier than she'd done recently and he was glad to see that the smile covering her face wasn't disappearing now that he'd entered the room.

"How was your day?" he asked nervously as he took the glass of wine from her and watched as she moved towards the oven.

"Amazing, thank you for arranging it," Kate responded before leaning down and removing something from the oven, confusion covering the writer's face as he watched her start to plate up some food. "I thought we could have dinner," she explained after she'd turned to see him staring at her. "Your mother and Alexis are out tonight and I thought I'd cook as thank you for everything."

"Sounds brilliant," he smiled, reaching across to take her glass of wine before approaching the already laid table while Kate followed with their plates. Sitting down moments later, Kate smiled as she glanced across at the writer who was glancing down at the meal she'd prepared. "This looks amazing, thank you."

"It was something I used to make with mom and I thought I better test my cooking ability," Kate explained before starting her meal, Rick continuing to watch her in amazement. "I'm going to Lanie's tomorrow night," she admitted as he nodded. "She's invited me for a girly night with her and Jenny and it sounds fun."

"You'll have an amazing time, Lanie is certainly a fun woman to be around," Rick explained as Kate nodded. "And Jenny is lovely, you'll love her."

"It sounds like it'll be fun," Kate said quietly before they fell silent, neither of them knowing what to say to each other. "I want to find a job Rick," Kate admitted as she glanced across at him, Rick nodding slowly. "I need to start earning my own money and I need to start doing something," she explained as he nodded again.

"I can help you find something if you'd like?" he suggested as she smiled, unable to stop herself from smiling at his offer. "I know people, I'm sure we'll find you a job somewhere Kate."

"Thank you."

XOOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Grams come here," Alexis called out quietly later that evening as she stood in the living room waiting for Martha to enter the room. She couldn't quite believe what she was seeing and she needed someone else to tell her that her eyes weren't deceiving her. Hearing the floorboard creak behind her, Alexis turned around to see her grandmother slowly walking towards her, her heels now kicked off her feet as she yawned. "Look," she said quietly, Martha staring at her for a moment before she looked at the couch where Kate was curled up asleep while Rick rested in a nearby chair, also asleep.

"I think they may have forgiven each other," Martha smiled as she wrapped an arm around her granddaughter. While her son and the brunette weren't asleep on the same item of furniture, the fact they were both asleep in the same room clearly meant that they'd gotten over their issues. "I think we should leave them and you need to sleep darling, you've got school tomorrow," the redhead stated as Alexis nodded, saying goodnight to her grandmother before she disappeared up the stairs. "Thank god you two," Martha said to herself before she draped a blanket over both Kate and Rick before following Alexis upstairs, leaving them asleep.

**What do you think? Be honest, it's not my best chapter. **


	14. Alcohol

"What's this?" Kate asked as she took the pieces of paper from the writer who smiled and remained completely silent, waiting for her to look at the documents he'd just handed her. "Rick," she said quietly, taking a seat beside his desk before glancing down at the pieces of paper, taking in all the information as her smile continued to grow. "Are you serious?" she asked quickly, looking up at him in amazement as he nodded, taking in how excited she looked before laughing when her arms tightly wrapped around his neck. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe that he'd found her a job already.

"I know you wanted to look but I thought I'd call around and see whether anyone had any positions open that might sound like they'd interest you," Rick explained as she stared down at the piece of paper again. "I know it's probably not what you want to do for the rest of your life but it's a career for the moment until you can work out everything," he stated as she nodded, unable to remove the smile from her face.

"So what do I do then Rick?" she asked, knowing that he'd know more about the job than the information provided.

"You'll get a collection of manuscripts that are sent to the company and you'll read through them, see which ones sound interesting to you. It'll give you something to do and I know you love reading so hopefully it'll be something that you'll enjoy for a while," he explained as she nodded, excited to start a job. "You start next week," he said simply before standing up and moving towards the door, unable to stop himself from smiling at her as she reread the document again. She couldn't believe it had been that easy. "Are you excited about tonight?" he asked from the doorway as Kate nodded, looking up at him.

"I am," Kate admitted before biting into her lip for a moment. "I was thinking…" she began as he nodded, watching how nervous she suddenly was. "I was thinking that perhaps we could invite your friends round for dinner, Lanie was commenting how it would be nice for me to get to know Esposito and Ryan outside of mom's case," she explained as Rick nodded at the idea, thinking that was a great opportunity. "Maybe we could go out or something."

"That sounds great, we'll arrange it when you get home tomorrow if you feel like it," he stated as confusion covered Kate's face.

"Feel like it?" she asked.

"You have no idea how much Lanie and Jenny will drink tonight, you will have the worst hangover tomorrow," he stated, a laugh leaving her lips as she shook her head at him. "Just you wait Kate, I'll pick you up tomorrow morning and all you'll want to do is go straight to bed," Rick explained quickly as she shook her head at him before she joined him in the doorway, both of them slowly walking out of the room together to see Martha and Alexis lingering in the kitchen. "And what are you two smiling about?" Rick asked his mother and daughter as he entered the kitchen and poured both him and Kate a mug of coffee.

"Just the fact that you two are talking again," Alexis smiled, kissing her father's cheek before moving to hug Kate who laughed and wrapped her arms tightly around the redhead for a moment. "You were both starting to get annoying," she stated as Kate laughed and pressed a kiss into Alexis' red hair before stepping away from her and taking the coffee mug away from the writer.

"How was your day with Lanie darling?" Martha asked as she moved towards the living room with the brunette, the two women slowly sitting down on the couch and relaxing.

"Really good, I'm going to hers tonight for a girly night with Lanie and Jenny actually," she explained as Martha laughed. "Why are you laughing?" Kate questioned as the redhead stared at her for a moment.

"You're going to have such a hangover tomorrow," Martha smirked as Rick glanced across at Kate who glared at him for a moment. "Everyone has a hangover after a night with Lanie Parish Kate," she stated like it was common knowledge. "But you'll have fun and Jenny is an absolute sweetheart," she added quickly before both Rick and Alexis joined them in the living room, the conversation quickly moving to Alexis' plans for the day.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Kate are you nearly ready?" Rick asked as he walked through his office and knocked on the door to the bedroom, waiting for a reply from the brunette. He had agreed to drop Kate off at Lanie's apartment and to pick her up the following morning when she called asking to go back to the apartment and now she seemed to be on a go slow. "Kate?" he asked again, knocking once more before he slowly opened the door to see Kate sat on the bed in a tight pair of jeans and a t-shirt with tears running down her cheeks. "Hey what's the matter?" he questioned quickly as he moved to sit down beside her while she shook her head and forced a smile onto her face, turning the picture she was holding around so he couldn't see the image.

"I'm fine, I was just emptying out the rest of my bags while I had some time to think," she explained, attempting to move off the bed but stopping when Rick rested her hand on her arm to stop her. "I…" she began slowly before shaking her head, not wanting to start crying again. She wanted to go out and enjoy herself; she didn't want to think about everything else that had happened to her. She was desperate to be like everything else.

"Tell me, let me help," he whispered quietly, his hand slowly finding hers before they laced fingers.

"I found this is a book that was in the bottom of my bag," she stated, passing him the photograph before he looked down to see a young Kate cuddled into her beaming father's side. "It was my mom's book; he must have left it at the hospital at some point. I'd forgotten about it until I found it in the last bag," she explained quickly before glancing down at the image, desperately trying not to cry again. "We went to France on holiday, mom and dad had been saving for weeks," she explained quickly as he nodded. "It was my first holiday abroad; I had the most amazing time. That photo was taken on our last day there, I never wanted to leave."

"Give me two seconds," he whispered before standing up and disappearing out of the room, reappearing moments later with a blank frame. "Here," he stated, passing it to her before she opened it and placed the photo inside, closing the frame moments later to place it on her bedside table. "He loves you Kate, I know he did," Rick said quietly, knowing that was what had upset her. She missed her father, however much she pretended not to be affected by his abandonment, she did miss him. "We could try and find him Kate, we have access to the resources," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her as she cuddled into his side.

"Can I think about it?" she asked quietly, suddenly scared about the idea of finding her father. Did she really want to see the man who'd walked out on her when she needed him the most? "I'm going to be late," she suddenly blurted out before standing up and brushing her fingers through her hair while Rick watched her in amazement. She seemed like a completely different person now. She was composed, ready and smiling at the idea of going round to Lanie's. "Come on Rick," she smiled before walking out of the room, the writer slowly following her out.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"I've always found him a bit attractive," Jenny blurted out as Kate and Lanie both laughed before moving to fill up their glasses, Lanie groaning when she tipped the bottle to find it completely empty. None of them were completely certain how many bottles they'd gone through so far and it didn't seem like they were going to stop anytime soon. Opening a new bottle that was littering the floor, Lanie quickly poured two glasses before passing one to Kate who nodded quickly. "I would never do anything, I love Kevin but he has something about him that's really attractive," the blonde giggled, relaxing back into the corner of the couch as her smile grew.

"What about you Kate?" Lanie asked as confusion covered Kate's face. "Richard Castle, attractive or not?" she stated as her smile continued to grow while Kate glanced down at the red liquid that filled her wine glass.

"Umm…" she said slowly, not knowing how to respond. Did she find Richard Castle attractive? Clearly Jenny and Lanie both found him slightly attractive but did she? "I guess he's attractive," she said quietly, remembering all the times she'd caught him coming out of the bedroom in just his boxers and a t-shirt but also in various suits for events and evenings out. "He's attractive," she stated quickly before taking a long drink of wine, surprised when she found she'd finished the glass and was in need of another.

"Rick might be attractive but nothing beats Javi when he gets out of the shower," Lanie smirked as Jenny and Kate began to laugh at the ME. "All those muscles when they're wet," she sighed, relaxing back into the sofa while Kate shook her head. "I bet Kevin looks pretty good too," she explained as Jenny shrugged.

"He's not exactly muscle man," the blonde smiled. "But he's attractive and I love him and I can't wait to marry him," she blurted before finishing her glass of wine. "God I just want to marry him," she declared while Lanie rolled her eyes at Jenny, knowing how excited the couple were about their approaching wedding.

"When are you getting married?" Kate asked quickly.

"Three weeks today," Jenny beamed, reaching across to pour herself another glass. "Everything's ready and it's going to be perfect," the blonde smiled, thinking about all the preparation they'd done for their big day. "You'll have to come too Kate," she said quickly, realizing that the brunette hadn't been invited.

"Are you sure? I don't want to cause any trouble," Kate responded as Jenny nodded, desperate for the brunette to come to her wedding. She already liked Kate and knew that she was important to Rick and she didn't want Kate missing their wedding.

"I want you to come and Kevin will too," she stated quickly as Kate nodded slowly, realizing that she wanted to go to the wedding since Jenny had mentioned inviting her.

"I'd love to come to your wedding Jenny, thanks," Kate smiled, glad to be out of the apartment and surrounded by new people. This was what she needed to get on with her life. She needed to be normal and do things that normal people did.

XOXOXOXOXXOXOX

"Castle," Rick yawned down the phone as he collapsed back against his pillows, after answering the screaming cell phone. He desperately hoped that whoever was the phone had something important to be discussed because he was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Right now dead bodies didn't appeal to him! "Hello," he said again, contemplating hanging up the phone if whoever it was didn't answer in the next five seconds.

"Castle, it's Lanie," the ME suddenly responded as he sat up, now worried. "Kate's had too much to drink and she wants you to come and get her," she explained as Rick climbed out of the bed and began to get dressed again, resting the phone between his head and shoulder as he heard Lanie soothing the brunette.

"Put her on the phone Lanie," Rick sighed, Lanie not talking as she passed the phone over. "Kate," he said quickly, waiting for her to respond as he slipped on his shoes.

"Rick," Kate suddenly slurred as he sighed, realizing that Kate probably wasn't used to drinking a lot. "I feel really sick," she moaned as he ran out of the apartment, horror covering his face when he heard Kate heave down the line.

"Attractive Kate, really attractive," he sighed as she began to sob. "Hey don't get upset, I'll be there in half an hour and then we'll get you home to bed," he comforted, waiting for her to calm down as he approached his car. Climbing into the vehicle, Rick sat behind the wheel of the car while Kate continued to cry down the line. "Kate, I need to hang up but I'll be there soon."

"Okay," she said quietly before he put the phone down and started to drive towards Lanie's apartment. Parking quickly, Rick practically jumped out of the vehicle before running up the stairs, not bothering with the elevator. Reaching the door, he found the door already open before he stepped inside and saw Jenny asleep on the couch and five empty bottles of wine littering the floor.

"Lanie," Rick groaned as he moved towards the bathroom, knowing the layout of the apartment from previous visits, to see Kate leaning against the wall while Lanie held out a glass of water. "What have we said about drinking Doctor Parish?" he asked quickly as the ME turned to face him.

"We weren't really counting the bottles. We were gossiping and we just kept drinking," Lanie explained as Rick nodded and knelt down beside the brunette. "You better get her home and to bed, I forgot she probably wasn't used to alcohol like the rest of us," she said quietly, ashamed at herself for letting this happen.

"It's okay Lanie, she wanted to have a good time and she's allowed to do this. She's an adult and she'll be fine tomorrow after a good night's sleep," Rick explained as he lifted Kate into his arms, smiling weakly when she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and buried her face into his shoulder. "Thank you for distracting her, she needed this," he smiled before he carried a practically asleep Kate through the apartment. "Come on sleepy head, let's get you back to bed," he said quietly, unable to stop himself from smiling as she cuddled into his neck. Approaching his car moments later, Rick sighed as he glanced down at Kate, realizing that it would be impossible to hold her and unlock the car. "I need you to stand."

"Don't want too," she moaned against his neck.

"Then we'll end up spending all evening here Kate and I'd like to get home at some point tonight," he explained, helping her to her feet as she groaned and ran her fingers through her hair. "You look terrible tonight."

"Thanks," she yawned, leaning against the car as he unlocked it and opened the door for her. Shutting it after she'd climbed into the car, he quickly moved to his own seat before glancing across at her. "Tired," she said quietly, burying her face into the seat as he removed his jacket and draped it over her body. "Feel sick."

"Please don't vomit in my car Kate," he joked as he began to drive towards his own apartment, occasionally glancing across at the brunette. "You alive?" he asked.

"No," she moaned as he shook his head at her. "Want to go to bed Rick," she admitted as he parked her car and quickly walked over to her side, lifting her out of the vehicle as she buried her face into his neck again.

"You are definitely not used to alcohol Miss Beckett," he sighed as he carried her into the elevator and towards his apartment once the doors opened. "Let's get you into bed," he declared, carrying her into her room before resting her on the bed.

"Don't leave me," Kate called out when he moved towards the door, a nervous smile appearing on Rick's face as he looked at her. "Please don't leave me."

"I'm just going to get you a glass of water. You're going to want one tonight," he stated as she buried her face into the pillow and groaned. "You're going to have a terrible hangover in the morning," he sighed, disappearing to collect a glass of water before returning to see her lying on the bed perfectly still. "Kate you need to get some pyjamas on."

"Don't want too, want to sleep," she moaned like a child as he sat down beside her and watched Kate turn to face him. "Sleepy," she yawned again while he slowly moved to undo her boots before looking at her again.

"Get some sleep then. You're home and you're in bed," he said quietly as Kate groaned and cuddled into his side, trying desperately not to feel sick. "I need to go to bed too, it's early and I have to do some work tomorrow or my editor will come after me."

"Stay, please," Kate begged like a terrified child as he sighed and nodded, not wanting to leave her when she needed him. "I'm never drinking again," she whispered as she shut her eyes and remained curled up against him.

"I'll believe that when I see it Kate. Everyone says that but they never stick to it," Rick smiled as she groaned, not wanting to think about alcohol anymore as she took in the familiar and secure scent of Rick, the smell that made her feel safe. "I think you need to learn to control how much you have to drink Kate. It's about enjoying the alcohol, not about getting sick," he whispered, glancing down to see that she was asleep against him. "What am I going to do with you Kate?" he asked quietly before reaching down and pulling a blanket over her body to stop her shaking.

**I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update but life is taking over at the moment with university starting in just over two weeks. I am going to make more of an effort to update more frequently as I've had messages about my slowness and I've gotten over the two chapters I've been finding difficult to write so it'll be easier to get chapters written. **

**Anyway please review. I love hearing from you and your ideas are extremely helpful so do keep them coming and I promise that Castle and Beckett's relationship will start to improve soon and they won't be in limbo forever. **


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